Toohotmamas's Blog

It’s Pillsbury season! I smell a million dollars!

toohotmamas — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 00:16:57 +0000

Wendy! It’s NOT TOO LATE! We missed the dinner category entries…but we can still jump on the dessert band wagon! Yes, yes, we will gain weight. And yeah, the kids will get tired of eating Crescent Rolls bent into weird shapes and slathered in Timtella (Trademark Pending) Sauce. But WE CAN’T QUIT NOW! We have too many years (not to mention the thousands we have spent) into this project. We just need to tweak a few ingredients…and the million dollar prize is ours! Unless the following is true…?

Sexy Beast

toohotmamas — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 18:14:12 +0000

Okay, you want to know what’s fun about having an iPhone? Having a 14-year-old son. He loves Siri (for those of you old fogies who have never heard of Siri, she is the iPhone’s computer generated voice that answers your questions—sort of like Hal in 2001, A Space Odyssey). My son is fond of asking Siri ridiculous questions and then, laughs himself silly at her computer generated answers. For example:

Son: “Siri, will you marry me?”

“My end user licensing does not cover marriage, my apologies.”

Giggles.

Son: “What are you wearing?”

“I can’t answer that, but it doesn’t come off.”

Laughter.

Son: “Open the pod bay doors.”

“That’s it. I’m reporting you to the intelligence agency for harassment.”

Hysterical laughter.

Son: “You make me feel like I’m walking on sunshine.

“You are certainly entitled to that opinion.”

Son: “I’m drunk.”

“I hope you do not expect me to get you home.”

Son: “Where can I hide a body?”

“What kind of place are you looking for? Reservoirs, dumps, metal foundries, mines, cremation services, mortuaries, swamps, funeral services.”

Aaaanyway, when he grows bored with that, he gets into my phone’s inter-sanctum—that place that anyone over 40 is incapable of accessing—and changes my user name to Sexy Beast. So, now my phone informs me in her superior tone, “You’re Carolyn, but since we are friends, I get to call you Sexy Beast.”

I just caught him telling my phone, “I love you,” and the phone responded “I love you, too, sexy beast.”

There’s nothing like a good affirmation from your phone to give your self-esteem a little boost.

Carolyn

Back on the Juice Wagon

toohotmamas — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 18:45:42 +0000

Well, here I am at day 3 again, after a junk food side trip during the Oscar party. Not gonna beat myself up. Just going to persevere. Number one son juiced a fabulous batch of carrot, apple, kale juice and I am sipping my way through the fast food withdrawal symptoms.

Even though daughter number two made some kind of savory chicken dish that smelled soooo good, I was tempted to scramble down the stairs like Gollum and start screaming “My Precious” at the bird, I was able to stay out of the kitchen to avoid temptation.

How, you ask? How does Carolyn have such incredible will power? Well, it seems I have stumbled upon the secret to weight loss and total self-control.

It’s all in a yoga-esque exercise routine called Callenetics. Found it, covered with dust at the bottom of a pile of exercise videos. Thought, hey, this looks gentle. No panting, no wheezing, no sweating. Took an hour to do it. Woke up the next day, couldn’t get out of bed, let alone make it to the kitchen. So, problem solved.

Weight loss update: starting weight +20. Current weight +17.

Carolyn

Juicing, day 4

toohotmamas — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 00:11:22 +0000

I fell off the wagon.

Yep. Not proud. Went to an Oscar party with my friends from college and got so excited I downed half a box of Wheat Thins before I realized I hadn’t taken the time to juice them properly.

So. I must begin again. I’ll get back with you tomorrow and let you know the new plan… (heavy sigh–no pun intended).

Thank you all for your support and stories of commiseration.

Carolyn

Day Three

toohotmamas — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 15:59:16 +0000

Yesterday, I was too weak to post. Okay, lazy. But I have to admit, I’m hungry. Got a little snippy with the family. Fantasized about eating Sushi. Fantasized about eating anything.

However, I did drag out the juicer and concoct some delicious Kale, Carrot, Apple, Orange juice and have to admit, I was more awake and energized to enjoy my starvation. Had a headache, probably because of all the times I hit myself upside the head for fantasizing about Sushi. Also could be detoxing from my addiction to chocolate. I did walk on the treadmill. Noticed how winded I was. Considered liposuction and other plastic surgery, but, since several more of my kids still need braces, that didn’t seem fair. Kept walking. Happy to report today’s number is + 18.5. (start number was +20) So, I’ve probably lost a pound of water, half a pound of muscle (in my head), but hey, a loss is a loss as Bob and Gillian say.

Going to curl back into my fetal ball now. Will keep you posted,

Carolyn

Menopausal Belly Fat

toohotmamas — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 22:49:28 +0000

Before menopause, every month I was bloated. It was so miserable. Pants would not button, I looked pregnant (sometimes, I was) and I found it impossible to ignore the siren call of the refrigerator.

I used to rage against the ebb and flow of the estrogen. Why couldn’t I just be one size all month-long? Blast these hormones!

Now, I long for the monthly bloat because at least it would disappear now and again. Unfortunately, my wishes have come true and I am one size all month-long. Size bloat. Thanks to menopause, I’m stuck with the dreaded ‘belly fat’. Oh, I hear the ads on the radio about the miracle menopause pills designed to dissolve my fat, give me untold energy and the sex drive of my unneutered male Cocker Spaniel, but I have a feeling that the changes are not going to come from a pill.

They are going to come from two things: My son Gabriel (seeking retribution for all the room cleaning I demand) and Joe Cross, the king of Juice. Gabe has designed a fitness plan for me and…as I write this, he is setting up the family room for my “burn”. My daughter, Grace, is manning the juicer. I’m popping One A Day Silver’s like they were M&M’s.

Why juice you ask? Well, because last year, my doctor asked me to watch the documentary “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” (I was too fat, sick and nearly dead to be offended) and I did the juice thing during the summer and it worked. Unfortunately, I had no muscle tone to keep it off, so Halloween candy through New Year’s party dip helped pile it all back on.

Why on earth is she telling me this? you are all scratching your heads and asking. Well, since we are two months into the New Year, it is becoming clear that I need an accountability partner. No. Scratch that. I need all 3-4 thousand of you, dear readers, to crack that whip and keep me moving. So, here’s the deal. I’m going to watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead again (yes, it is inspiring, but mainly, Joe Cross, with his Australian accent, it so cute and this movie is really fun to watch with a tub of butter flavored popcorn and a large Coke) and start my fitness regimen today. Gonna build some muscle. Thought I’d start with the jaw.

Since I have no intention of telling you my actual weight, I shall say only that we are at +20 and the goal is to get to +0. I’ll check in with my daily weigh-in’s if my son’s ‘burn’ program doesn’t kill me first. Now. I must get out of bed. I really, really don’t want to. Maybe I should start this whole thing tomorrow…

Carolyn

We’re doin’ taxes

toohotmamas — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:35:00 +0000

The hubby just came in from an afternoon spent sorting out our taxes and showed me (to the tune of hundreds of dollars) how I dropped the ball by incurring late fees and interest rates. I HATE THAT! I hate throwing perfectly good money out the window. Why couldn’t he have simply left me in my ignorant bliss?

I blame the children. They distracted me.

I also blame menopause. I can’t remember when the actual due date of each (and there are plenty) bill.

I also blame Andy Williams (may he rest in peace). Not sure why I am blaming poor Andy, since I love him. At any rate, one of his Christmas ditties inspired me to write the following. You may wish to sing it at your house.

Ahhhh, hemmm. Here we go:

It’s the most horrible time of the year
When the husband is yelling
And the IRS is telling you something to fear
It’s the most horrible time of the year

It’s the crap-crappiest season of all
With those 1040 tax forms and and letters to inform you owe Uncle Sam your soul

It’s the crap- crappiest season of all
There’ll be dwindling tax shelters leading to homeless shelters and having to sleep in the snow

There’ll be scary audit stories and now we are sorry about purchases from long, long ago

There’ll be much Pepto-Bismol and things sure look dismal when April fifteenth comes near

There’ll be much pencil throwing and hearts will be glowing with horrible heartburn severe

It’s the most horrible time

It’s the most horrible tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!

Of the year!

Happy Taxes, everyone!

Carolyn

Happy Valentine’s Day!

toohotmamas — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 21:16:51 +0000

Wendy and I have really great husbands. No, they are not perfect, but they are perfect for us. Wendy is fond of saying that Tim is her best friend. I’m not jealous. Okay. Maybe a little. My husband, Matt, is amazing. He gets up every morning at the crack of dawn, goes out and works like a dog so that the 5 kids and I can eat, and then, he comes home, and helps out with the chores and homework. He is an amazing cook (his “Leftover Surprise” soup is to die for) and he even does the laundry, which can be very confusing for a man with 3 teenage daughters and a wife.

Especially, concerning underwear. Mine was disappearing into my daughter’s drawers, and since they would all rather die a thousand deaths than be caught wearing granny panties, it gets shoved to the back of their closet and I can’t find my underwear…

“I’m telling you, I washed your undies and put them away!” (he gets a little testy when quizzed about these matters).

One day, while foraging for a pencil or something, I ran across a pile of my undies, stashed in some junk drawer or other, thank you girls. So, now, I write MOM in black Sharpie on the back inside waistband so that my hubby can get them back to me in a timely fashion. This works very well for him. And the girls. But most especially for me, as now, when I go potty, I look down and see that MOM, upside down, is WOW! And, there is nothing like getting that WOW! feeling, when you are seated on the pot.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Matt. You rock!

Carolyn

Bucket List!

toohotmamas — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:46:44 +0000

Quick! Make yours! Because tomorrow? The Mayan Calendar just…ends. Kaput. Done. It’s all over. Again. Yes, hard to believe, but the world is going to end yet again. This will be the third time in just over a year, and I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to become a little jaded.

Frankly, I’m expecting this old ball to continue rotating until God himself, says we’re done. So, until then what’s on your list? Mine might have been a lot different, before this last week. Might have had stuff on it like; Kiss the Blarney Stone, hug a llama, tell Donny Osmond in person how much I love him, stand before the queen…

Since the horrors of last week’s massacre in Newton, CN, my list? Kiss my husband, hug my children, tell all of them how very, very, very much I love them, and stand, unashamed of our country’s Judeo/Christian values and thankful for our freedom. Why should it take something so horrific to wake us all up and begin living life as if we never have tomorrow? Because, when you think about it… we don’t. Today is all we’ve ever got.

Carolyn

Happy Thanksgiving

toohotmamas — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 08:29:37 +0000

About 2 years ago, Thanksgiving morning, we discovered our refrigerator had gone out. Since I was expecting about 20 people for dinner, this was worrisome. But, trying to stay thankful and upbeat, I suggested that we clean it out while we cooked the holiday meal. Because he’s awesome, my husband decided to continue his cleaning jag by dusting the light fixtures and replace the bulbs in a big fixture that hung over the island. He needed to climb up and stand on the stove top to do that. Unfortunately, our stove top was glass and I heard a loud “Pop!” and then my husband saying stuff that was less than thankful. So, now I was down 2 appliances with T-3 hours till the company arrived.

We screamed at the kids to keep cooking while we ran to Home Depot, grabbed a new stove-top (which by the way, broke yesterday–I hate glass cook-tops), installed it and used coolers with ice for the fridge until Monday when the repair guy could come. Since my daughter was left to cook the holiday turkey, and I was preoccupied, she accidentally put the bird into the pan upside down and stuck it in the oven, breast down. The rest of us did the best we could with the microwave, while the hubby wired the new stove-top.

Faithfully, my daughter basted the bird every half hour, then came to get me when she thought it was done. I stared at the bird’s butt for a moment, wondering why it looked so weird (and freaking out , because the meal was already pretty sketchy without a fridge and stove) before I figured out what was wrong. We decided to flip it and let it brown for a few minutes.

And?

When we cut into it, it was incredible. Seriously. The best, juiciest white meat ever. The rest of the food? Just fine. Now, it’s a family tradition. Upside-down turkey.

And, apparently, a broken stove-top.

Carolyn