I Forgot What I Just Remembered

I’ve battled my weight all my life.  Not that I was obese exactly, but nobody would ever mistake me for Kate Moss.  The only way I was able to keep it under control was by working out 3 hours a day and counting every calorie.  That worked until I got pregnant with my first baby.  I gained 40 pounds with each of my five kids.  And, since three of them were adopted, this was… well, a bummer.  I managed to lose most of it, but now, as the years pass, it gets tougher and what with menopause, gee whiz, it just seems hopeless. The Kate Moss thing, I mean.

I’m big into self-help tomes and have tried all the diet books with varied but temporary success.  And then, a friend told me about Suzanne Sommer’s books on menopause and how they revolutionized her life.  So, I bought two.  They have done nothing for me.  But then, I haven’t read them yet.

However, I have high hopes.  From what I understand, bio-identical hormones will give me so much energy that I’ll no longer need sleep.  This will come in handy as I also hear—when I’m not training for a marathon—I’ll be busily ripping my husband’s clothes off in a dither of connubial bliss.  No more personal summers.  No more brain fog.  And skin?  Dewy as a rose petal at dawn.

 I think my family might be happier if I don’t replace the est-road-rage-en, but hey, anything has got to be better than the…the…uh…oh…the…uh, you know…the…               what was I talking about?




Filed under Adoption, Children, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

2 responses to “I Forgot What I Just Remembered

  1. You won’t sleep once you’re in menopause anyway, honey, so don’t worry about those energy-producing bio-identicals. I wonder if they reduce wrinkles?

    Carolyn, this is so funny. I’m at the writers’ conference, and Su is reading your post even as I type this. She just said, “She’s talking about her weight! I can’t believe her!” We were all just talking about beautiful you are. How put together. Darla just asked if you are six-feet tall. Now they’re wondering what size jeans you wear. Su guessed a six. You should be here! Oh, my God! Su just said you have a flat belly! Really, you should be listening to this. It’s like you’re dead and they’re eulogizing you. Now they want to get naked with you to show you how good you look. Okay, that’s weird.

    Are you coming for the breakfast? They’re having sausage AND bacon. And those yummy fried potatoes from yesterday. You can afford them. Or, join me on the treadmill (next to rm 207). I’ll have carrots for us.


  2. I can’t believe you’re talking about your weight! If you’re too heavy, who the {{bleep}} was that gorgeous woman sitting next to me yesterday??? I was thinking…what do I have to deprive myself of to look as good as Carolyn (I was stuffing chocolate candy in my mouth like there’s no tomorrow at the time)? I did some abs this morning. Maybe that will do it…

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