As we explore the 35 symptoms of Menopause together, I’m going to be taking them out of order. Why? Because that’s how they take me.
Symptom Number Three–IRRITABILITY
Normally, I am very kind to telemarketers. Hey, they are just doing their job, right? Trying to carve out a living. Like me. I get that. But lately…I don’t know…I find myself somewhat irritated by them. Probably because of symptoms #5 Trouble Sleeping Through the Night and #9 Crashing Fatigue.
Anyway, early this morning, the phone rings. Right off the bat, symptom 3 rears its ugly head. Caller ID says “MSL PROMO’ (402) 982-0420. Huh? “Hello?”
Symptom 3 ramps up. “HELLO?”
After another 3 seconds I hear a heavily accented voice say, “Hull-oo?”
“Hi, uh, listen, I don’t do business over the phone, so take me off your list, huh? Thank you.” Feeling good about my patient demeanor, loving-my-neighbor and all that, I hang up and roll back over for some much-needed sleep.
Ring. Same caller I.D. I don’t want any. “Hello?”
Again, loooong pause. “Ees dis Calo…Car…Curlolin…Cularlin…C.c.c…”
“Yes! Please! I don’t do business over the phone. Take me off your list! Thank you!” I hang up and try to sleep.
I answer. “WHAT?”
“Uhh… ees dis… Calr… Colin…C”
“Do not call here again.”
“Haas my cumpony call you more than woonce?”
“As of this morning, THREE TIMES! BUZZ OFF!”
This is where Symptom #3 possessed me like a scene from the Exorcist. I picked up the phone and screamed until I was hoarse. Felt good. Real good.
Ring, Ring… (I’m not kidding). This time, I imagine my caller gathering his telemarketer buddies around the phone, all eager to see what I’ll do next. It was early. I had little time to prepare a show, so I improvised with another blood curdling scream. Loud and long and window rattling. The dogs dove under the bed.
Throat is raw and bloody. But I’m feeling good about the way I handled it. By now, I was awake enough to call the National Do Not Call Number to register my phone. 888-382-1222. Call ’em. It’ll save your vocal cords. And your sleep.