The Menopause Survival Kit: Don’t leave home without it!

Hi ho! The Seven Cures for Menopause Kit

I have the world’s BEST neighbor. Recently, she gifted me with the coolest present I’ve ever gotten. The Menopause Survival Kit. It came in a blue gift bag that said: YOU ROCK! (which is true, I do!) Inside, though, was the good part. First, there was a note of instruction: Dear Carolyn, I hope you enjoy this Menopause Survival Kit. Many women just like you have utilized kits like this to help them through this stage of life. Within this bag you will find Seven Items. Please begin with Item One.
ITEM ONE: A huge bag of Lindor chocolates.
The note read: Because everyone needs chocolate from time to time, especially to soothe the hormones…I mean nerves.
C: I promptly used this item until it was done. Amazingly, IT WORKED! My kids and hubby tried to steal some of my ‘medication’ but I valiantly fought them off.
ITEM TWO: Duct (Silver Duck) Tape
Note: Well, just in case you need to tape something(one) up. It can be for the arms or mouth or to treat a ding in a table.
I love this and will probably have to use it over MY mouth.
ITEM THREE: Hole Punch Ticket
Note: This ticket permits you to kick or punch one free hole in the wall of your choice. I haven’t asked Matt’s permission yet, but I doubt he’ll mind as he’s handy (refer to Saw II post) plus, this ticket could save a life!
C: Yes, and the life it saves may be his. I have tucked this ticket away in a safe place.
ITEM FOUR: Freezer Cool Pack
Note: You know what this is for!
C: Yes, it’s in the freezer, chilling now.
ITEM FIVE: Ice Breaker Mints
If the cold pack doesn’t work.
C: Um hmm, plus, they’re a little classier in public.
ITEM SIX: Blue Bandana
Note: This is the “Don’t Mess With Mama” bandana. All you have to do is put this on, around your head, neck or wrist to communicate “Don’t mess with mama” This will help you when you feel and episode coming on, so everyone will know.
C: I’m wearing it now.
ITEM SEVEN: Movie Pass
Note: This is a Movie Pass which may be redeemed at a time of your choosing, and I will whisk you away to a cinema where we can watch a movie.
C: I have tucked this away with the Hole Punching ticket, just in case I need a quick get-away and hiding place.

I encourage you to create your own kits for the special women in your life. Bag: $2 Ingredients: $20 or so. Sanity provided? Priceless.

1 Comment

Filed under Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

One response to “The Menopause Survival Kit: Don’t leave home without it!

  1. A mutual friend from our RWA chapter refers to it as Vitamin C. Other people just call it chocolate, but those in the know refer to it as Vitamin C because we understand that it is, in fact, vital. Your neighbor has excellent taste since she chose Lindor. 🙂

    Nice survival kit!

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