My mom used to sing this really weird song to me when I was growing up. It went something like this:
She’s got freckles on her… but… (butt…) she’s cute. Get it? Yeah, well, I did mention it was weird.
Anyway, Wendy and I live in Oregon. This summer, and I use that term loosely, it’s FINALLY getting sunny. Now that I’m old, I have to make the dramatic decision: Stay out of the sun and forfeit vitamins that build bone and potentially break a hip which will kill me–or–go out, get some skin cancer, which will kill me. I think, you gotta weigh the pros and cons very carefully. Hmm. Yeah. (Bear with me, I’m thinking). There is that… then again…
Okay. So I’m gonna go out and get some more liver spots and wrinkles because, as everyone knows, that makes your cellulite look better.
That’s my final answer.
Now, to go find the perfect bathing suit that shaves off 25 years and 25 pounds. I’m liking this model, here, because just think how cool she’s gonna look when she gets all those bare spots bright red.