Keyboarding for the Menopausally Impaired

I think it’s about time we woman of a certain age created our own secret texting language.  I’ve begun breaking ground in this realm and thought I’d share what I like to call:  Not Your Daughter’s Way, Texting.

 Some adorable key functions:

 Ω Mom is in the garden

%  The unfortunate breast augmentation key

‰ Sue the surgeon key

+  The “I shouldn’t have had that last brownie” key

~  The “I could take it or leave it tonight, honey” key

#  The “my ridiculously expensive eye cream isn’t working” key

*  The ceiling fan key.  Trust me, it’s amazing how many times you might need to refer to a ceiling fan, but don’t have the time or energy to type it all out.

 And some helpful mom abbreviations:

 GCYRBMHE  =  Go Clean Your Room Before My Head Explodes

WDTDRI?GHOOHBMHE  =  What Did The Dog Roll In?  Get Him Out Of Here Before My Head Explodes

ITMHJE= I Think My Head Just Exploded

 Some new interpretations on the old standards:

BF = Barely Functioning

BFF= Barely Functioning Friend

LOL = Lots of Liposuction

OMG =  Short for Omega 3

 A text sentence might look like: My BFF Wendy sez OMG 4 no LOL

 Translated:  My barely functioning friend, Wendy recommends that you take Omega 3 oils for optimum health and to avoid unhealthy weight gain during the Menopausal years.

 My response might look like:  I no-no! I’m such %!

 Translated:  I did not know that!  I’m such a boob!

Okay, the system is new and needs some work.




Filed under Children, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

3 responses to “Keyboarding for the Menopausally Impaired

  1. Sara

    Too funny!

    But wait. Do u txt??!! Hello? All these years I’ve been trying ur phone to hav u not answer only to find I could have been txtn?! U %!


  2. Sara! No, of course I don’t text! I’m old!
    But…my daughters are wearing me down. Shhhh!

  3. Jill

    TMI….;) I’m too old (and already through menopause) to learn a new language!!!

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