Help! I’ve been mugged and I can’t get up! A sick contest…

Donna's mad as hell.

My sister called not long ago, telling me about how she got an email from a friend who’d—gasp—been mugged in Europe and for my sister to PLEASE SEND MONEY! 

My sister (after freaking out) came to her senses and called her friend here at home and… lo and behold!  Her friend was not in Europe!  She was here!  In the good old USA.  Unmugged.  Hadn’t ever been to Europe.

 Luckily, my sister mentioned this to me because–okay this is so weird– the next day, I got a similar email from one of my friends!  Mugged!  In Europe!  What are the odds?!  OMG!!  After I’d made arrangements to wire over a gogillion dollars to my friend, I suddenly remembered my sister’s friend hadn’t been mugged and maybe, just maybe there wasn’t a sudden rash of European muggers targeting our friends! 

The email letter (below) is now the third one I’ve gotten in the last few weeks.  I’m sorry to say, I don’t even know who poor Donna is…probably someone from my Facebook list.  Have you gotten your letter from Donna yet?  Better yet, are YOU Donna?  DONNA, ARE YOU OKAY??!  Talk to me, Donna!

Carolyn:

This had to come in a hurry and it has left me in a horrible situation and I’m really going to need your urgent help. Some days ago, unannounced, Jeffrey and I came to visit a resort here in London England but unfortunately we got mugged by some gunmen and lost all cash and credit cards, we are financially stranded right now and our return flight leaves in few hours .I need some money to clear our hotel bills, I didn’t bring my cell phone along since I didn’t get to roam it before coming over. So all I can do now is pay cash and get out of here quickly. I do not want to make a scene of this which is why we did not call home this is embarrassing enough .I was wondering if you could loan me some cash, I’ll refund it to you as soon as we arrive home just need to pay the  Hotel bills and get the next plane home. I promise to refund you back as soon as we are back home, please write back so I can let you know how to send it
Donna

Okay.  I’m sick, but these kinds of letters bring out the dark humor (and editor)  in me.   “Donna” I get that you are “in a hurry” but does the last sentence really need three ‘backs’?  Anyway, I can think of about a dozen different snarky responses to the goons who are trying to extort money from me.  Hello?  My husband and I have FIVE CHILDREN WHO ALL NEED BRACES AND COLLEGE and have I mentioned, I HAVE YET TO HIT ‘THE LIST?’  Yer barkin’ up the wrong tree, “Donna”, unless you want a handful of Pillsbury coupons and a token to the Bullwinkles Family Fun Center.  Plus, I may be menopausal, but I’m still strapped into the old turnip truck.

So, I’d like to have a little fun and open it up to you, our hilarious readers and comment posters.  Yeah.  A contest.  Respond to poor “Donna”.  Go on.  You know you want to.  Don’t be shy.

Carolyn

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3 Comments

Filed under Anxiety, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

3 responses to “Help! I’ve been mugged and I can’t get up! A sick contest…

  1. Debbie Douglas

    Dear Donna,
    Remember the time my debit card wouldn’t go through at the grocery store. I only had 23 cents, and you said “friends don’t ask friends for money.” Karma is a bitch. Good Luck!
    Your dear friend Debbie

  2. Joyce

    Dear Donna,

    Please use the “change” Obama promised to pay your bill and next time spend locally!

    Love you!
    Joyce

  3. Rosemary

    Dear Donna, you have about as much chance as a one legged man in a kicking contest of getting any money from me. Sorry girlfriend.

    Rosemary

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