Monthly Archives: March 2011

Goodbye Teddy Bear…Hello Tiger

I have Carolyn’s youngest son at my place for a sleepover.  He’s one-day younger than my daughter.  Carolyn and I adopted the kids when we were mere seconds from menopause (a great story we’ll have to share sometime).

The two kids adore each other; they get along famously.  Always have.  Like brother and sister without the fights.  So, when they asked if they could sleep in my daughter’s room on the same bed, Carolyn and I decided that would be okey dokey.  They’re a few weeks away from turning eight, and not the most sophisticated flowers in the garden.  Very innocent.  Lucy and Ricky Ricardo are their media marriage role models.

My DD, however, upon hearing that they could indeed share the twin bed and kick each other silly all night long, suddenly turned coy.  “But that’s so romantic,” she giggled.

Romantic?  She just dared him to eat a caterpillar. Continue reading


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Filed under Adoption, aging, Children, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, parenthood, Young Love

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Wild Kingdom

Yeah, you're laughin' now, fatso.

  Help!  My daughter is not home today!  She left me to baby-sit her mutt.  She should know better, as I am HER mother…

The new dog–Genevieve–woke me up and since I’m NOT a morning person, I stumbled to the bedroom door, opened it and shooed her out.  Fell back in bed.


Opened the door.  Stumbled downstairs for coffee.  Thurston followed me.  He’s not a morning person either.  Genevieve was in the kitchen licking a plastic container that had been sitting on the counter filled with beans and rice.  Man, I hope she’s not allergic to rice.  Anyway, I squint at her. 

She cowers. 

“Did you eat the beans?”

No answer.

She spots Thurston.  As is her habit, she attempts to make love to his head. 

He growls. 

She breaks wind.  On his head.

I’m thinking she ate the beans.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.


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Filed under Adoption, Children, Dogs, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

A Dog’s Blog: As told to my new owner’s mom.

Gimme a break.

‘Mmkay.  So, I’m just doin’ some time in the OHS (Oregon Humane Society) chillin’.  I’m innocent.  Didn’t do nuthin’ wrong, but do I get a lawyer?  No.  No phone call, neither.  Anyhow, I’m layin’ there in my cell and people walk by.  Talk to me through the bars.  Look me over. 

Then, they see the ears.  So what?  I got weird ears.  Big deal.  But they move on.  Lookin’ for a ‘puppy’ or a ‘cute’ dog or somebody with ‘normal’ ears.  Whatever. 

Then this teenage fairy godmother-type stops by and does all this baby talk.  I’ve heard it all before, but I give her a few token wags and a wet one through the door.  She gets all squealy.  Says she thinks the ears are unique.  Says she’ll be back.  Yeah, heard that before, too. 

My new owner. I'm thinkin' I'll keep her.


Waddaya know?  She comes back! 





And she brings this big hairy mook with her (not her dad, her dog, chowder head) and I’m tellin’ ya it’s love at first sight. 

You know you want me, fatso.


I gotta have that fat boy.  He plays hard to get.  But I’m persistent, if you get my drift. 





After the paperwork is signed, they spring me.  I’m FREE, baybee.  Livin’ large.  I’ve buried 6 of those leather chew toys in the laundry, got jiggy with the fat boy’s head and made yellow water on the new carpet 3 times.

 The teenage godmother’s mother made all these squealy noises.

They live next to this heeyouge park and my new boy-toy takes me for a swim. 

Fat boy skinny dipping.

Me, skinny dipping


We mark a little territory. 

Good times.

Good times part duex.


It’s a good life.

Me, at the park.


My new master has named me Genevieve after that mutt in the Madeline books.  You know, the dog the orphan kid rescued in the children’s classic: Madeline to the Rescue.  Must be because my new owner’s name is Madeline. 

 Her mother calls me other names.  But when nobody’s lookin’ she scratches my belly.


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Filed under Bathroom Humor, Dogs, Exercise, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, Weight gain

Doggy Daze

The Mutt Whisperer

 I love my daughter.  She is uber cool.  Funny, sweet, helpful and—oddly for a teenager these days—obedient   So, now and then I like to indulge her.  That must explain why I volunteered to be a community coordinator for her on-line high school.  Volunteering means I get to come up with clever ideas to amuse teenagers who have been chained to their computers for weeks on end.  And, since I am the community coordinator, or ‘in charge’, I get to go on these outings when I have strep throat.  Felt like I’d been gargling glass shards and razor blades the morning of our most recent trip.  I’m on antibiotics and not contagious now.  Dang.  No excuse to stay in bed…

Anyway, somebody suggested I organize a trip to the Oregon Humane Society to visit the doggies.  The volunteer hours would count toward National Honor Society.

How dumb am I?

Of course, my daughter gets there and finds “the dog”.  “Mom!  This dog loves me!  Look mom!  It’s like we have a psychic connection or something!  I have to rescue this animal!  Seriously, look at her!”

I’m looking.  I see an ageing, indistinguishable breed, lumpy-ear’d mutt staring dolefully at my daughter.  “Yeah, well you’ll have to get this past your dad.”  I’m golden.  He said no more dogs.

“Mom!  I just got off the phone with Daddy-kins!”

Uh oh.

“He’ll meet us here after work!  We just have to go home and get Thurston (our fat golden retriever) and the kids and make sure she likes all of us.”

Huh? Continue reading


Filed under Children, Dogs, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, parenthood

‘Hard day? Unwind with SOMETHING UNEXPECTED by Wendy Warren, book two of the nationally bestselling miniseries Home Sweet Honeyford…where life is sweet, and the buzz is all about love. Available in March from Silhouette Special Edition.

A note from Wendy:

I have a confession:  While I have no clue what Lady Gaga sings, I can whistle the themes (in their entirety) to The Andy Griffith Show, I Love Lucy, Here Come The Brides, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and My Three Sons. 

I would gladly move to Mayberry (if it existed, and I could convince my family to live without a mall.) Remember how those great old shows depicted community?  Neighbors were friends, friends were family and people’s foibles made them more lovable.

Working on my new miniseries for Harlequin/Silhouette Special Edition, I wanted to create a world that would draw the reader in as one of the gang.    It’s my hope that each book in this series will give you that delicious life-is-good feeling.

And now…time for our weekend I Love Lucy marathon.  My husband bought me the DVD set with every season AND footage of Vivian Vance winning her Emmy–the best gift ever!


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