GIRL FIGHT

I got into a little scuffle with some of my dearest friends this past weekend, and I’d like us to publicly kiss and make up.

Here’s what happened:  Next month Carolyn and I are heading to New York with our friends Su, Darla and Ginger.  It’s going to be part business, part Thelma and Louise road trip sans most of the crime.  Last Saturday four of us met to work out the details and to hit the mall to pick up essentials.  The problem began at breakfast.  I arrived with wild hair and the bare minimum of makeup (I’m working on embracing the real me, remember).

They arrived beautiful.  I mean, just fabulous.  Hair freshly cut and colored, their makeup perfect, not a damn line on any of their post-menopausal-yet-dewy faces.  And it was only 8:30 in the morning.  I feel so happy that they are aging beautifully.  Really, I do.  I mean, I love these women.  But by the time my tea arrived, I was thinking about the ads I’ve been seeing for an Origins wrinkle eraser.  You get 83% of the effect of the injectables I refuse to use because I’m so self-actualized.

So, off we go to the mall and there it is—the wrinkle eraser.  A lovely 46-year-old (we asked) saleswoman with not a line on her kisser offers us samples.  Tiny little samples.  Well, looking at this saleswoman and at my friends, I begin to feel my self-actualization slipping southward.  I mean, it’d be just as easy to embrace myself with 83% of my fine lines and wrinkles softened a little, right?  So…

I took my tiny sample and my friends’ samples, too.  They don’t need them. 

 They got so upset.  They asked me if I’d let my daughter take her friends’ gifts.  Well, yes, I would in a case like this.  It would show discernment.  And, she’d be saving them from putting unnecessary chemicals in their pores.  But they grabbed their little packets back (rather forcefully, I’d say), and a brief physical skirmish in front of the Origins counter ensued.  Our saleslady and two of her coworkers suggested we stop it.

We haven’t really discussed the incident since, but I’ve been mulling it over, and I think we should make up right here, right now.

So apologize, girls.  And then gimme back my wrinkle erasers!!!!

Wendy

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10 Comments

Filed under BOTOX, friendship, Humor, Menopause, wrinkle erasers, wrinkles

10 responses to “GIRL FIGHT

  1. You’re so damn funny, Wendy! I’d give you my winkle eraser, in fact, I would insist that you use it if you were truly that needy. But then I’d probably get socked for the insult. LOL

  2. Why, Linda, I wouldn’t touch a hair on your beautiful head. So gimme! (You don’t need it, anyway.)

    Wendy

  3. What a liar! People! This post was chock full of lies! (Except for the part where I looked great, which, okay, slap me, I took a shower). For the truth? Check in here tomorrow cuz I’m gonna give you the REAL story!
    With pictures! Wendy, I hope you’ve got a lawyer.
    Carolyn

  4. Carolyn, I know what you’re up to and I warn you: You’re about to start another girl fight. In my post I was referring to what happened as we walked through the mall after you left. I know YOU would have given me YOUR ration of wrinkle eraser (if hell were freezing over and I took it when you were looking the other way). Why don’t you just call me instead of posting, and we’ll work it out together (I have a bottle of Alpha Hydroxy Acid with your name on it, sweetie). Okey doke? And btw, who is Joyce and why is she always on your side?

    Wendy

  5. Fiction novelists lie? I’m appalled.
    I also believe self actualization should include extensive pampering, the best creams and cosmetics, and monthly root touch ups because I’m “actually” only 36.

  6. LOL you guys are too funny… Thanks for making my day!! 🙂

  7. Dahling… 🙂 I would climb the highest mountain for you, but I will NOT give back my wrinkle erasing cream. Also, as lovely as you are, I can’t apologize for almost being knocked off my feet for ownership of a little beauty cream…which by the way was rightfully mine! Do we need an arbitrator??? 😀

  8. THE TRUTH!

    Wendy … really? You’re going to actually put those … fabrications in print? FOREVER? Is that the example you want to set for your young, impressionable daughter?

    Obviously I have to put the record straight! Here’s what really happened: In defense of Wendy’s glowing beauty and luminosity, Su, Carolyn and I showered, primped, blow-dried, straightened hair (okay, maybe that was just me) and slathered on makeup so we wouldn’t be overshadowed by our (um – quick – what’s a synonym for lying? Blanking completely – damn this menopause mind!) friend.

    Here’s a secret: Wendy’s never taken a bad picture. I mean never. We’ve been to Reno with this woman, 7 days & nights, and she NEVER takes a bad pic. Me, I have yet to see a pic of myself and think, yeah, that’s okay. It’s just not fair. As for her wrinkles? Come on! She must use a magnifying glass to see them, because we can’t. I need the wrinkle cream, not her.

    And yes, there really was a scuffle in front of the Origins counter at Washington Square Mall. Wen swooped in and stole our samples as we clutched them to our chests. I think she just wanted a little feel. All you had to do was ask, Wendy. Just ask. No, we wouldn’t have given up our samples, but a little innocent groping between friends … why not? Now get our hands off my …. wrinkle cream.

  9. Okay, Darla got the story right. And she’s the only one.

    Wendy

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