Monthly Archives: September 2011

Most Powerful Women?

Wait a minute! That’s not us!

Excuuuuuuse me?  This is the list of the most powerful women in the world?  Hello? Wendy?  Where were we?  How could they neglect to mention the Queen and Crown Princess of the United States of Marriage, Motherhood and Menopause?  I ask you, what could they do all day that is any more harrowing than teaching their exceedingly blond daughter how to drive when they are suffering from Menopause Symptom number 16 (see bowel/bladder control problems)?

Don’t say complex political issues and difficult paperwork, because I’m not impressed.  Do they have to deal with the ENDLESS RED TAPE associated with choosing which soccer photos to order—the deluxe pro-trading cards with 2 5×7, 1 8×10 4 wallet in a pear tree or the completely useless mini-mouse pad and bobble-head coffee mug combo—when they are simultaneously trying to recall the structure of a 5 paragraph essay, WHICH WAS DUE YESTERDAY, DEAR, while under the influence of a hot flash?  I think not.

Here’s a snippet on these supposed “Power-Women”, from Fortune 500 magazine:  There’s been plenty of turmoil atop Fortune’s annual Most Powerful Women list.   Meg Whitman crashed the party, coming in at No. 9 when she became CEO of Hewlett-Packard. (As CEO of eBay, she was on the list from 1999 to 2007.)

What party?  And why didn’t we crash it, Wendy?  It would have been a perfect opportunity to take George Clooney with us and show him what he’s missing by dating kindergarteners!  Let’s not let that happen again, okay?  Plus, this Meg Whitman actually left eBay, the shopping-palooza event of the century to go work for HP?  Gack.

While Oprah Winfrey fell 10 spots to No. 16, her power and influence in flux without the platform of her eponymous syndicated talk show. [sic]

Cry me a river.  And okay, what does eponymous mean, anyway?  I’m sure if we had to, we could totally be eponymous.

Perhaps the biggest change of all? Kraft CEO Irene Rosenfeld takes the No. 1 position from PepsiCo chief Indra Nooyi, who topped the list for five years. This ranking is all about power, and while Nooyi runs the bigger company, Rosenfeld’s decision to split Kraft into two entities shows she has it and knows how to use it.

It???

Try splitting an order of fries that nobody fights over, girls, now that takes skill.  Here at Toohotmamas, we have it and we know how to use it, too.  We just have to find ‘it’.  And then… of course, use ‘it’.

So.  Next year, Wendy, we’re gonna be on that list.  Fortune 500, Schmortune Shmive-hundred!  That’s right.  Stand back, Irene.  You.  Me.  My kid driving my minivan.  On the freeway. Then we’ll see who can really hack it.
Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Making Money, Marriage, Meg Whitman, Menopause, Motherhood

Carolyn, the Queen of Everything

After Carolyn’s post yesterday, I probably should be throwing my tiara in the ring, lobbying to be Queen of the United States, or at least the area around my easy chair.  I have been trying for ages to get my family to address me as Your Highness, but they are so resistant to change.

The thing is, I’m not the queen type.  I prefer to fly slightly under the radar.  Besides, I get hat head.  Carolyn has really thick hair; she’ll look fabulous after the hat comes off–and it’ll probably be an adorable hat she made from a sweater or a dog bed or an empty Ritz Cracker box or something.  She is brilliant at making hats.  Honestly, she should have been a milliner.

So, Carolyn, you’ll have my fealty if you make me a hat.

Also, I think that when you are queen you should make George Clooney date women born before 1985.  This is really important.  With a Too Hot Mama on the throne, we can mandate this kind of validation for women over forty-five.

Wow.  I can’t believe I once stepped in human urine while walking through Central Park with the future queen of the United States.  (After the hats and George Clooney, you might want to do something about that urine situation.)

All hail Carolyn!  Long may you rain… rein…reign…    Well, enjoy bossing people around, dear friend.

Wendy

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Filed under aging, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Menopause, Motherhood, Writing

I Want to be Queen

It’s Winning Wednesday here at Toohotmamas…hang on just a sec…Okay, I’m back after having laughed myself half silly.  When we came up with the harebrained idea to hold a bi-monthly sweepstakes, I thought Wendy was going to run the contest and she thought I was.  We should have known it would be a disaster.  Just look at all the success we’ve had with the Pillsbury bake-off contest.

Anyway, I have an idea for a contest where the contestant would be…me.  I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, especially since Wills and Kate got married, and it dawned on me that we don’t have any royalty in the United States.  Oh, sure, there was that whole Kennedy/Camelot thing, but come on, we all know he was the president and not the king.

Where is OUR Wills and Kate?
Celebrities, such as Queen Latifa and Burger King don’t count.

I think I would make a really good Queen for several reasons:

1.  I would lobby to make all chargers (phone/iPod/etc.) USE THE SAME CORD!

2.  I have plenty of cellulite to mock and plaster across tabloid covers.

3.  I already have a scepter (okay, septic, so shoot me).

4.  I love hats.  And tiaras.

5.  I really, really, really want to be Queen.

So, I’m working on my platform (think battery chargers) and am wondering if I should simply appoint myself (since Queendom is not a  democracy) and throw a coronation party here, at Toohotmamas.

I welcome all ideas for change that you’d like to see added to my reform agenda.  Wendy would automatically be princess (unfortunately, there can only be one queen, and it was my idea and I am older), and heir to the throne.  We will have to establish a hierarchy for the kids, as they will be the ones running around creating scandal and playing polo.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to post my mission statement next Wednesday.

Long live the queen,

HRM Carolyn of Manchester.

(I love the name Manchester.  Reminds me of my bra size).

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Children, Cinderella, Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

Kids Say The Darndest Things…Part 2

“Oh, darn!”

Darn it!  Yesterday, I couldn’t remember a darned thing that my kids say for Toohotmama’s KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS segment.  I thought and I thunk till my thinker was stuck and then I remembered!  My number one daughter is learning to drive!  I’m teaching her and she has said a few darned things while we are in the car.  This is probably the darndest thing she said, right after she crashed into a boulder in our driveway.

“Gee, Mom.  It’s lucky this car is old.  I wouldn’t want to learn in a good car.”

When I relayed this to my husband, he said a darned thing.  Can’t write it all here, but the jist of it was:

“Old?!  OLD?!  That THIRTY-FOUR THOUSAND DOLLAR CAR is only FOUR YEARS OLD!”

To that, my daughter said, “Oh.  Well, it looks old.”

To which my husband said some more darned (and unrepeatable) stuff about how she and her siblings treat it like a garbage scow and he was going to buy personalized license plates that read:  MOM’S SCOW.

I said a few darned things of my own.

Carolyn

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Kids say the darndest things…

Today is Kids say the Darndest Things Day here at Toohotmamas, and my kids are always saying some darned thing.

I’ll be darned if I can ever remember…

Carolyn

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FUN WITH FOOD

Well, it’s Friday, and we’re supposed to be having fun with food.  Carolyn is probably off making a TUNA SANDWICH or FISH AND CHIPS and having a picnic by her koi pond.  (See her callous response to yesterday’s post in the comments section.  She tried to reply anonymously by signing ‘c’ and eliminating our avatar.  Whom does the woman think she’s kidding??)

In honor of the still-rallying Bluestar …whom I just realized I forgot to feed!  Dang it!  Hang on…

All right, I’m back.  In honor of Bluestar, whose appetite is excellent this afternoon, I am posting a recipe for MOCK Tuna salad.  For those of you who are not presently vegan and never intend to be, tempeh will sound weird, look weird, smell weird, but, really, it’s quite tasty and very nutritious.  Look for it in the refrigerator section of your local health food store.  I also buy it at Trader Joe’s and Fred Meyer here in the Pacific Northwest.  And now…

The Bluestar Special

1 80z package tempeh–Trader Joe’s is pre-cooked, which will save you a step.

1 T Soy sauce or tamari–or more, to taste

1 T lemon juice

1/3 C mayo–vegan, homemade or regular, you choose

1/4 C diced red onion or scallions

1/3 C diced cucumber–because my mommy used cucumber; you can substitute celery if you want

1/4 tsp. curry powder, optional

black or lemon pepper to taste

Whole-grain bread, cheese slices or vegan “cheesy” sauce, avocado, tomato, whatever else you want

Steam or boil the cake of tempeh for twenty minutes if it is not pre-cooked.  Grate or crumble it into a bowl.  Add the rest of the ingredients and adjust the seasonings.  Refrigerate awhile to let the flavors blend then assemble a “Tuna” Melt and grill in a pan coated with olive oil or just make a yummy sandwich and enjoy. 

Wendy and Bluestar

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ONE FISH, TWO FISH, DEAD FISH, NEW FISH

Remember our Betta fish–the one we saved from the dreaded Ich?  Well, we didn’t.  Not that he’s completely dead, though he has a running start; he just never had Ich in the first place, apparently.   How do I know this?  To date,  I have logged 24 phone calls to various pet stores, 5 hours searching the Betta fish sites on the net, and  made 6 trips to pet stores near and far.

We have now spent fifty-three dollars on a four dollar fish, not including toys to cheer him up.

Carolyn, do not comment on this post.  I am well aware of your views regarding extraordinary medical efforts to save small fishies and plan to disconnect the garbage disposal should you come to visit before Bluestar dies from natural causes.

But I digress…

Bluey seemed to rally after we doused him in Ich cure, but then he got kinda raggedy looking and developed several new symptoms that, I swear, have put me off eating anything with a fin, probably forever.

Our most recent medical excursion was to a pet store about a half hour from us.  They had a very knowledgeable aquarium  expert, who sold us 13 dollars worth of anti-biotic.  It comes in only one size; there will be enough for us to keep Bettas for the rest of our lives, as long as they all develop bacterial infections, and we live to be a hundred and twenty-six.

“You’ll have to disinfect his bowl, rocks, toys and heater, of course, before you administer the first dose,” the fish guy informed us.  “Treat him for two days, then two more, changing 25% of his water on days three and four.  Take a day off, watching him carefully and then begin the process again.  Now, naturally, when you feed him, you remove every piece of food he does not eat.”

Naturally.

My husband looked at me…not happily, as he is in charge of Betta water and waste removal.

I looked at our daughter.  “Sweetie, why don’t you pick out a new collar for Autumn?” I suggested.  We watched her skip off in the direction of the dog collars and then I turned to the fish expert.  “Listen, how long do Betta’s live in general?”

“Two years.”

“Two years!” my husband exclaimed.  “He’s two years old already.  Are you telling me we’ve spent this much time tying to save an 80-year-old fish?”

Fish Expert looked a bit affronted.  “Sometimes they live to be three.”

I held out the anti-biotic.  “Where are the ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ papers?”

He didn’t smile.  “Your fish is probably only sixty.”

Well, that did it, hit us right where we live.  Tim will be fifty-two in November.  I turn five-o in October (it’s amazing how much closer that seems to sixty than 49 3/4 did.)

We bought the stuff.  We’re medicating, changing water, removing leftovers.

Why?  Because we relate.  We’re feeling our mortality, too.  Maybe hoping someone will change our water, buy us extra toys and drive all over town for the right medicine.  Although I don’t know; if I look like Bluestar someday, I think I’ll just go ahead and sign those Do Not Resuscitate forms.  And make a nice tuna sandwich.

For now, though, Bluestar is blowing bubbles (a good sign) as I type this.  And it’s almost time for another water change.  Keep your fins crossed.

Wendy

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Thoughts on Menopause by Toohotmamas

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get…worse.

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Death, Geroge Clooney, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

I LOVE THIS BOOK!

I love a book I can sink my teeth into!

Have you ever read a book that was so good you just gobbled it up?
My dogs have!
I bought this book at the Scholastic Book Fair for my son and after he was done tearing through it, the dogs did!
Maybe it was the picture on the front…maybe it was the element of suspense.  Maybe it was the meaty goodness of the cardboard, but when we came home after a shopping trip, Lovey Howl had chewed through it and Thurston was on the waiting list.
So Wendy, I’m thinking…We have neglected an entire audience!  Fiction for Dogs!  I’ll loan this sucker to you after Thurston’s done.  See if Autumn like’s it?  If so, I have an idea for a real tail-wagger!
Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Children, Dogs, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

I HATE ZUCCHINI

 Did you know that zucchini seeds are magic?   Did you know one plant will produce enough food to feed a third world country?  Did you know your kids probably hate zucchini? Mine do.

 

We made the mistake of planting an entire package of zucchini seeds this summer.  They burst out of the ground like Jack’s beanstalk and each plant produced a zoogillion zucchinis.

 

Now, I have zucchini coming out of my ears.  And other places.  I’m holding a contest at my house called, “most creative use of zucchini”.  Aside from the mundane zucchini casserole and zucchini bread and cake we have; zuk-kabobs, deviled zuk, zukironi and cheese, zuk au gratin, zuk cordon bleu, and zuk under glass.

 

We have grilled it, fried it, mashed it, baked, boiled, broiled, frickken fricasseed it.  We have tried it with a fox, we have tried it in a box, we have tried it here and there, we have tried it everywhere.  We do not like it Sam, I am.

 

We’re sick of it.  I am writing this blog at a table built of zucchini and seated on a zucchini bench.  I sent my youngest son to school in a pair of shoes fashioned from zucchini.  I sent it to my daughter’s class to celebrate her birthday.  What? The kids didn’t enjoy the piñata stuffed with zucchini?  What did they want?  Crook-neck?  Lousy kids.

 

I’m thinking next year, we’re gonna win the Pillsbury Bakeoff with something made from zucchini, Wendy.   Nothin’ says lovin’ like a zucchini in the oven.

 

Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Cooking, gardening, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

Just Tell Me WHY…

Why, why, WHY…when I tell my daughter to get ready for church, she pulls a shirt so stinky it is practically smoking out from beneath her bed, where it clearly has been languishing for months and is now lathered in dust bunnies.   Maybe she likes the fur look?

BUT when this same child tries on a CLEAN blouse in the morning before school and decides, “No, I think I’ll wear my blue instead,” the first shirt is deposited instantly into the dirty laundry hamper despite the fact that it has been worn for two and one-half minutes.

WHY?

And why–this question is from my husband, who, I suspect is in a menopause of his own–do kids pour glasses of milk the approximate size of Seven-Eleven Big Gulps, take two sips, leave it, then pour grape juice into a thermos, take two sips of that before abandoning it forever all the while hollering, “Mom, we’re thirsty and there’s nothing to drink”?

As I get older, I seem to crave order and logic, two virtues that held no appeal in my youth.   Why?  Why do I want to impose order and logic on my life now when I am surrounded by children and filled with menopausal ADD?  How’s that gonna work?

My timing’s off.   Assuming I could impose a neat cause-and-effect rhythm to each and every day (or even half of them), what would I gain?  Sure, a kid who never smelled like a stable during benediction, but I’d also lose the hair bands attached to each and every doorknob in the house; houseplants lined up in the bathroom like thirsty soldiers, water and soil draining onto the floor; and the little thrill of the unexpected when I open the freezer to search for dinner and find, instead, a Groovy Girl doll seated between the lasagna and the peas (don’t ask; I have absolutely no idea).

I don’t need logic at this point in my life.  What would I do with it now that my memory’s failing?  And, really, if one is trying to stave off senility, what better way to exercise the brain than to try to figure out how a child’s mind works?

Sign me,

Happy Just Wonderin’

Wendy

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Children, Humor, Writing

12 steps for menopausal motherhood

Wendy and I are starting a support group for menopausal mothers.  This was overheard at our first meeting:
“Hey, Wendy! How are you doing today?”

“Yes!  It is windy today!”

“No.  It’s Thursday!”

“Me, too.  When are those cheap hotmamas gonna serve the coffee?”

I think we’re making great headway.

Car0lyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, aging, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

Household hints, by Carolyn

It’s shocking!

I just learned the COOLEST hint today from the lady at Costco.  You know how, when you are in
the grocery store and you get shocked every time you touch the freezer case or anything metal?  You don’t?  Then you must not have shopped with my boys.  They love to scuff their feet along the aisle and zap each other.  And me.  And unsuspecting sisters.

 

Anyhow, if you look closely at the bottom of your grocery cart next time you are at the store, you might see this piece of wire hanging off the cart and dragging on the ground?  It’s the cart’s ground wire!  If it’s not touching the ground and you are zapping and snapping up a storm, just bend it down and let it drag.  Problem solved!

Oh!  And another totally helpful hint?  Don’t teach your teenaged daughter to drive.  I am just now learning that one.  More later, should I live so long.

 

Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, hot flash, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood

Meno Mom Mondays…the things we menopausal mothers say and do

 

Mom to seven-year-old:  “Go to your room right now.  I’m having a mood swing.”

Thanks to my peri-menopausal friend for making me laugh (even if her daughter didn’t :-D)

Have a lovely Menopausal Monday!

Wendy and Carolyn

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They ate WHAT in the White House??

As Friday is Fun With Food Day, I thought an interesting bit of trivia might be in order.

I’ve been cleaning out the basement and rediscovered my mom’s extensive cookbook collection.  The First Ladies Cookbook especially caught my eye.  Detailing the food preferences of the presidential families from The Washingtons to the Carters, this book gives some very interesting info on what the commander-in-chief has been eating through the decades.  And may I say, “No wonder these men all look like they have indigestion.”

The Tylers and the Fillmores had some nice recipes (they liked their sweets), but be thankful you weren’t on Andrew Jackson’s guest list.  Meat Jelly?  No thank you.  There was a lot of roasting of entire animals and fowl back in the day, which aside from making me want to run screaming to PETA, is just not pretty in the photos.  I think that’s a cherry in the pig’s eye.

Personal gross-outs aside, those southern-bred presidents knew their cornbread.  Yummy.  And I wouldn’t mind trying Bess Truman’s Ozark Pudding.   But the recipe I am going to plagiarise for you today comes from the inimitable Betty Ford’s White House kitchen.  I’m going to try it–with chicken for my carnivorous family and tempeh for me.  If you try it, too, tell us how you like it.  Enjoy!

The Fords’ Ruby-Red Grapefruit Chicken

2 Ruby-red grapefruit

1/2 C whole cranberry sauce

1 T honey

1/4 tsp cloves

1/4 tsp salt

1 fryer chicken, its little limbs ripped to pieces…kidding, the book says “disjointed”  Wendy says try a nice big package of tempeh.

3 T butter or margarine (I’m going to use grapeseed or olive oil)

Peel and section grapefruit, squeezing all juice from membranes into saucepan.  Add cranberry sauce, honey, cloves and salt, mixing well, then bring to a boil.  Stir in grapefruit sections.  Brown chicken (or tempeh) in butter in frypan, then place in shallow baking dish.  Baste with grapefruit sauce.  Bake in 350-degree oven for about 45 minutes, basting frequently.  Serve chicken (or not) with remaining grapefruit sauce.  Serves 4.

 

 

 

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Those Sexy, Sexy Graham Crackers

Sooo sexy

Menopause Symptom #7 is Loss Of Libido, and now Too Hot Mamas is going to share with you the cure!

Did you know Graham Crackers were invented by the Reverend Sylvester Graham to cure “the fever of lust”?  That’s right.  The reverend believed whole, bland foods would cure us of carnal urges.

This is a load off of Too Hot Mamas’ minds and, we bet, off of yours, too.

We are not in menopause, after all, ladies; we have simply eaten too many Golden Grahams.  Granted, the Rev. Sylvester probably wasn’t thinking about slapping a hunk of Hershey’s and a big ol’ marshmallow between his biscuits, like we do, but still graham crackers and other bland, whole or nutritious foods could be responsible for the crash of our libidos.   Also, in Sylvester’s day milk and meat were considered to be responsible for sexual appetite, so you know the top ten anti-aging foods–all those fruits and veggies and lean things you’ve been told to focus on? They don’t seem so helpful anymore, do they?

Girlfriends, we have been sold a bill of goods about our diets.  Salmon, blueberries and broccoli are supposed to kill hot flashes.  Well, they’re gonna kill your libidos, too, sisters, so tell the waiter to bring you that Mississippi mud pie, after all, one fork.

You’ve burned your bras, now open that bag of Lays and don’t you worry your pretty heads about eating just one.

Thanks for the great tips, Reverend Sylvester.  You are our new diet guru.  We’re putting a brisket in the oven, baking up a Death-By-Chocolate cake and digging the 400 thread count sheets out of the laundry, ‘cause love is in the air.  Or it will be, as soon as we’ve eaten the better part of a herd of cattle.

Happy dining!

Wendy

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Company’s Coming!

Come on, people! Let’s get crackin!

Ever tried to accomplish a giant task while you have company?  I’m facing that …oh, what’s the word… ‘excitement’ now as I have a book deal for a rather lengthy manuscript on an extremely tight deadline.

So.  My father is turning 80.  On the same day, his brother is turning 82.  On the same day (no, this is not a typo) my daughter is turning 13.
October 9 is a popular day to birth babies in our gene pool.  Relatives are flying in from the four corners of the earth to celebrate.

What with me being in menopause and having the five kids under 18 and all, I’m feeling a tad stressed. However, I am nothing if not organized and I love to delegate.  So, I’m thinking I’m going to ask for a little help.  They say it’s one of the hardest things a person can do, this asking for help business.  To that, I say, “Heeeeeeellllllllllllppppppppp!”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, grandpa is turning 80.  Big whoop.  He can make the spaghetti.  Aunt and Uncle are clean freaks, they can tackle the pantry.  My cousin and her daughters are creative and love to talk/tell stories.  I’m passing out plot cards when they walk through the door and sending them off to enjoy some quiet time and a jolly good writing exercise.  We can discuss character arc at the party, and goal, motivation and conflict over dessert.  After the gifts are open, everyone will get a party favor pencil and go to work.  Scenes for the kids, chapters for the adults.

That oughtta gitter done.  By the time I have to take them to the airport, I should be able to swing by the post office and mail the completed manuscript, therefore giving two birds the old one/two punch with one stone.

Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Anxiety, cleaning, company, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, romance novels, Writing

No-Labor Day

So, the whole point of Labor Day is to stop laboring, n’est-ce pas?  And yet, I have had three phone conversations already this morning (it’s only 10:17 a.m.) in which already exhausted mothers have told me what they cooking, what they are cleaning and what they are making their husbands do to prepare for the BBQ they are having/pot lucks they are attending later today.  Holiday?  I think not.

We mamas need to practice the art of relaxation.  In countries that honor the tradition of the siesta, they practice relaxing every day.  Then again, I’ve never been to one of those countries; maybe the women are busy fluffing pillows, preparing snacks and drinks and just generally busying themselves while the kidlets and menfolk snooze.  I mean, in England someone’s gotta make those cucumber sandwiches for high tea, right?

I don’t know the last time I relaxed, truly relaxed for an entire day and evening.  Do you?  Today, I’m going to make a chocolate zucchini bread and pasta salad for our block party, sort through my daughter’s clothes and prep our lunches for the start of school (and my school-year writing schedule) tomorrow, file the paperwork that has collected and apparently procreated in my office, clean the nasty bathroom and wash the dog.  My husband is at Home Depot right now, picking up lumber to finish the kitchen remodel we started a year and a half ago.

Labor Day.

Maybe it should be called No-Labor Day, thus avoiding a mixed message and allowing us all to r-e-l-a-x.  What are you not doing today?

Too Hot Mamas wishes you a Labor Day filled with friends, family, laughter and a whole not of nuthin’ else!

Wendy

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Sexy Older Women Have Fun With Food

 Wendy wanted to call Friday’s Segment:  Fun With Food.

I added the Sexy Older Women part, because believe it or not, I just read an article where somebody took the time to research the top words in blog titles that people search and the winner was:  SEXY OLDER WOMAN.

Wow.  So, even if your blog is about say, Home-school Curriculum or Colonoscopy or Boy Scouts,  or Federal Agriculture you should try to work these words into the title.  Mind boggling, huh?

Anyway, Wendy has some awesome ideas about helping people with Menopausal Attention Deficit to make simple and nutritious fare.  But, since I don’t want her to do all the blog work, I’m going to share my thoughts on fun food this Friday.

Eat a box of Wheat Thins.  I’m doing it now.  As I type this blog!  Simple.  Nutritious.  Less than 5 seconds to prepare. If the old adage, “You are what you eat” is true, you will wake up in the morning thin and golden brown.  That’s what I’m going for.  Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Cooking, Humor, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, Weight gain, Weight Loss, Writing

Trust Me, I’m Lying

One thing you gotta love about Too Hot Mamas:  When we say we’re lying, we mean it.

See the nifty section to the right that claims “Our Blog Schedule”?  Carolyn and I decided to impose some actual order onto this blog when we realized we were getting more readers and also because we’ve been asked to turn our blog into a book proposal.  So, hey, we ought to actually be blogging on a regular basis, right?  It took us five weeks to decide on the schedule you see and two weeks to completely ignore it.

I mean, “Winning Wednesday: Enter our bi-weekly sweepstakes!”??   Come on.  My husband is still waiting for his Christmas and anniversary gifts since 1998.  (And now that I think of it, honey, so am I.  What’s up with that?)

Let’s be honest here:  Sam, you won the very first drawing.  Have you received your free book yet? I thought not.

Rhonda, you scored a giftcard to Starbuck’s.  Check’s in the mail, babe.

We mean well.  Honest.  But we are menopausal and can’t remember crap, and I think that is way more valid than the Twinkie Defense, I don’t care what anyone says.

I am suggesting that you stop wasting your time here and head on over to The Pioneer Woman blog.  That Ree Drummond is amazing.  Four kids, the blog, a TV show, she Tweets, and I’m guessing that whoever won the Le Creuset pot she  gave away in her contest last week has actually received it.   The woman not only cooks, she finds the time to photograph her dinner.  With four kids!  I have a husband and one child (and usually one or more of her ravenous friends) and if I paused to get my camera out, the dinner would look like road kill before I snapped the first shot.

Ree Drummond is a role model.  But not for us Too Hot Mamas.  No, not for us.  If  Pioneer Women is in peri-menopause (never mind the full meal deal) I’ll eat my red hat.   She’s far too together and organized.  She remembers what she was about to say.  Her mood seems stable.  She has great hair.  Now that I think of it, after you visit her awesome, entertaining and cozy website, pop back here for a dose of reality.  We’ll make you feel so much better about yourself.  No, you may never receive anything you win, but at least then you’ll have a reason for those pesky mood swings.  And, really, don’t you enjoy having a place where you can let your hair down…even if it is chin hair?

I thought so.  We’ll see you here tomorrow then, for Food Friday, when we will discuss the removal of pet hair from furniture.

Wendy

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