In my recent quest to ascend to the position of Queen of the USA, it has been brought to my attention that I will need to ‘qualify’. Here is the list of reasons I feel that I qualify for the job:
1. Bossy on my first through fifth grade report cards.
2. Talks too much. On all report cards. Communication skills, huh? Huh?
3. I have five children. Right there is proof I can run a country.
4. Mockable body parts!
5. Plenty of skeletons to drag out of the closet for more tabloid fodder. (Misspent youth will finally come in handy).
6. I will invent some skeletons when the real ones run out. As a novelist, I have ideas that will shock, as well as please.
7. Number one son is an awesome athlete and polo will be a piece of cake.
8. That hat that Beatrice wore to Will and Kate’s wedding? I have one. And it’s bigger.
9. I like tea. Those little cakes are delicious.
10. Three daughters for more televised wedding fun!
Now, I am still working on my platform for change. So far, I have the number one slot filled with the whole charger cord issue, however, I would be a Queen who listens to the people. So. People. What should we change? There is so much to think about, my head is whirling. Palace or condo? Throne or Lazyboy? Carriage or van??
I welcome all thoughts,