The Pros and Cons of Being Queen.

Strange hats? I can do that!

Yesterday, I was standing in the grocery line at Wal-Mart, striving to appear as if I was not reading the tabloid covers, but come on, I was at Wal-Mart?  Just call me oxy-moron.  Anyway, I see that poor Kate Middleton has hit a bit of a rough patch and that got me to thinking:  Do I really have the chops to represent the USA as her Queen?  Let’s weigh the pros and cons, shall we?

There have been kidnapping threats.

Etiquette lessons.

Demands to give Wills a baby.

Extreme weight loss.

Now, lets examine the cons…

That does it.  I’m in.

My greatest fear—or—given our current culture of crude ‘reality”—asset, would be hoof-in-mouth disease or even worse…being thought too common.  For example, I recall the horrifying moment when Lady Di was presented with something made of china as a gift and she had the audacity, gasp!! to turn it over and look for the label.  Tres gauche!  I just wanted to curl up and Di.


I don’t know my Waterford from a hole in the ground, so Di was light years more savvy than me and she still had people fainting over her horrendous faux pas.  I can only imagine what the good people will say when I serve baloney boats and Coke at my coronation.  And my youngest daughter can belch like a long-shoreman, so…guess I’m gonna have to speak to her about that before my big day.

Joyce, I agree about the Facebook thing, so that’s my number 2 item for change.  Keep ‘em coming, people.  What good is having a queen, if she can’t make life a little easier for us all?



Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Cinderella, Facebook, Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, Queen of the USA, Weight Loss

3 responses to “The Pros and Cons of Being Queen.

  1. the ultimate “glass house”. Zero privacy. Not on your life. At least Kate had a decade to get used to the idea. Diana got strapped to a runaway train by a man whom she believed loved her.

  2. Carolyn, Commenter Wendy Reis brings up a really important point “Diana got strapped to a runaway train by a man whom she believed loved her.” Is Mr. Zane ready to be the future King of the United States? (I’m not turning off any more lights, ovens, heat, etc. than I already have to save electricity, so keep him away from your platform, please. I’m already sitting in the dark, eating salad and freezing my keester off, because of my husband.) I do wonder, though, if Matt will be willing to do walk-abouts with a smile, if he can master the wave and if he’s prepared to do the royal laundry all by his lonesome? If not, well…I could sub for him (except for the royal laundry).

  3. It’s a lot of work, but someone has to do it 😀

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