Happy birthday, hot mama! You have finally caught up with me and George, age-wise! As you may have ascertained by now, I am arranging a special outing for you, with Georgie-Porgie-Puddin-Pie
Cloonster to celebrate your milestone. I guess you could say that this is not really your gift, as much as it is Georgie’s. It’s high time that he experiences some superlative conversation with a seasoned woman of a certain age and not the bimbo-prattle he’s used to.
And, what do I have planned for your Mystery Dream Date?
First, I’m going to fashion a gourmet meal for you both from products made by our favorite company in the universe (are you listening, John Lilly?) PILLSBURY! I have perfected an appetizer, main course and dessert from the dough boy’s spectacular array of delicious and easy to prepare products!
Then, after a sumptuous repast, I will put you both in my mini-van (aka: THE SKOW) and drive you to the Red-Box to pick out the movie of your choice. Red vines and popcorn are on me! (Score points by picking something starring George and not your husband, the lesser known, but not lesser talented actor, Tim Blough, Wendy).
After the movie, it’s time for Yoo-hoo and PILLSBURY cake with PILLSBURY frosting adorned with fifty candles! Make a wish, darlings! (Wendy, this would be a good time to wish that we finally WIN the PILLSBURY BAKE OFF!!! Because, hell-freaking-oh, we aren’t getting any younger).
Then, Wendy, I really need you to have some intellectually-stimulating conversation with this misled boy, who seems to think that women cease to exist after they are 21. Show him some sparkling banter, dazzle him with your brilliance, keep him on the edge of his seat with your wisdom and charm!
Then, like a salmon at spawning time, we’ll turn him loose and hope for the best.
I’ll be on hand, the entire evening to document every moment in pictures and post them here to share in an exclusive blog with our lucky
Hang tight, darling. I’ll be home from celebrating your birthday on Maui soon to gather George and pick you up for your whirlwind evening. In the mean time, Ha-ah-ah-uu-ah-moo-moo-ah-poo-poo (as they say here on the islands) and many more! (The poo-poo part becomes very important, once you’re past 50…)
Aloha, girlfriend, welcome to the 50’s!!