"Wait a second...is it now, or 30 years ago?"
If you were a fan of LOST, this blog is for you.
THREE WEEKS AGO
The phone rang. It was my sister’s daughter’s cousin. Also known as…my daughter.
THIRTY YEARS AGO
My sister’s mother’s sister called. Also known as my aunt. (Dun-dun-dun! Insert scary music here to foreshadow certain bloodshed),
My aunt called my daughter. I fell down the stairs. There was blood.
THIRTY MINUTES AGO
I fell up the stairs. More blood. My aunt’s sister’s daughter, also known as my sister met someone I used to know. (Dun-dun-dun! More scary music).
THREE YEARS AGO
Dodged a bullet. Didn’t know it. There was blood. Not mine.
Found a hatch. Bright light. No, wait, it’s just the toilet. I’m going in.
THREE HOURS AGO
THREE SECONDS AGO
I’m back. What happened? I don’t know. The writers don’t know. There was blood. Not sure what happened to my sister’s mother’s younger daughter. Dun-dun-dun.
"I'm sick of you guys calling me the Old Dude!"
For those of you who have seen the TV show, LOST, you know there is this character called John Locke. I always thought of him as Mr. Clean’s dad. He’s the elder-statesman of the show, cool, edgy, more than a tad creepy.
He gets referred to a lot as “the old dude”-or-“the elderly guy”-or- “the senior citizen”. This was fine with me, cuz he’s, you know, bald and he’s kind of got moobs (man-boobs). More than a few wrinkles. Before he shaved his head, he sported this really bad-comb over.
So, imagine my surprise, not to mention horror, when Mr. John Locke, elder-statesman of LOST announces his birth year on one episode. Whu?! Huh?! He’s… MY AGE! NOOOO! Does this mean I’m not…GASP… young?! What?! I was still envisioning myself in the age bracket of say, Jin, or maybe Sawyer. I wasn’t delusional enough to align myself with Clare, but thought she might be a younger sister? Uh, no. The actress who plays Clare could be my daughter. The guy who plays the hunky Sawyer could be my son. Suddenly, I’m feeling all Oedipal and slimy.
Not that John Locke isn’t attractive. He’s got a beautiful smile and he’s very hunky for a…a…uh, senior citizen. But I was sort of seeing him as a father figure. My father.