Category Archives: Maui

Whale…er…weight watcher’s trip on Maui?

This is my favorite swimsuit ever!

So I get to Maui and the three Barbie dolls I travel with have all joined Weight Watchers.  Have I mentioned that one of them used to be (and still could be) Miss Kansas?

Then it dawned on me.  The reason I’m shaped like the cabbage patch kid and am wearing a swim Burka that I had imported from Babylon, is because I’M NOT ON WEIGHT WATCHERS!  Duh!  So, my slim and trim and ever-so-energetic, bikini wearing friends DRAG ME TO A MEETING.  While I’m on vacation.  So, now there is much guilt involved with every chocolate covered macadamia nut I stuff into my face.  Did you know that there are 6 points in only 4 lousy, teensy-weensy candies?  And did you know that there are an entire days worth of points in only one box?

Oops.

So, Wendy.  Before I fly George up for your Birthday bash…oh, the plans I have for you…I’m going to drop a few pounds.  Thankfully, I have eaten all of the Mauna Loa candy, so that’s out-of-the-way.

And, to make things a little more interesting, my daughters are going to ‘race’ me to the finish line.  They jumped onto the Weight Watcher’s Band-wagon with gusto and have already lost 2 pounds each.  I have lost none.  But then again, slow and steady wins the race.

Check out my new diet page (hopefully up by this weekend) and read what the girls have to say about living with me on a diet!  Big, big fun.

Aloha,

Carolyn

 

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood, Travel, Weight gain, Weight Loss

Wendy’s big date with… George Clooney!

Dough boy, George?

Happy birthday, hot mama!  You have finally caught up with me and George, age-wise!  As you may have ascertained by now, I am arranging a special outing for you, with Georgie-Porgie-Puddin-Pie
Cloonster to celebrate your milestone. I guess you could say that this is not really your gift, as much as it is Georgie’s.  It’s high time that he experiences some superlative conversation with a seasoned  woman of a certain age and not the bimbo-prattle he’s used to.

And, what do I have planned for your Mystery Dream Date?

First, I’m going to fashion a gourmet meal for you both from products made by our favorite company in the universe (are you listening, John Lilly?) PILLSBURY!  I have perfected an appetizer, main course and dessert from the dough boy’s spectacular array of delicious and easy to prepare products!

Then, after a sumptuous repast, I will put you both in my mini-van (aka: THE SKOW) and drive you to the Red-Box to pick out the movie of your choice.  Red vines and popcorn are on me!  (Score points by picking something starring George and not your husband, the lesser known, but not lesser talented actor, Tim Blough, Wendy).

After the movie, it’s time for Yoo-hoo and PILLSBURY cake with PILLSBURY frosting adorned with fifty candles!  Make a wish, darlings!  (Wendy, this would be a good time to wish that we finally WIN the PILLSBURY BAKE OFF!!!  Because, hell-freaking-oh, we aren’t getting any younger).

Then, Wendy, I really need you to have some intellectually-stimulating conversation with this misled boy, who seems to think that women cease to exist after they are 21.  Show him some sparkling banter, dazzle him with your brilliance, keep him on the edge of his seat with your wisdom and charm!

Then, like a salmon at spawning time, we’ll turn him loose and hope for the best.

I’ll be on hand, the entire evening to document every moment in pictures and post them here to share in an exclusive blog with our lucky
readers!

Hang tight, darling.  I’ll be home from celebrating your birthday on Maui soon to gather George and pick you up for your whirlwind evening.  In the mean time, Ha-ah-ah-uu-ah-moo-moo-ah-poo-poo (as they say here on the islands) and many more!  (The poo-poo part becomes very important, once you’re past 50…)

Aloha, girlfriend, welcome to the 50’s!!

Carolyn

 

 

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood

Wendy says good-bye to her 40’s…

Wish you were here!

This morning, I got a message from Chase on my cell phone:  Credit Fraud Alert!   Did you attempt to steal $160 on your credit card?  If yes, reply “yes”.  If no, please reply “no”.

Are they serious?  Why on earth would I admit to trying to steal money if I had stolen it?  Why on earth would I admit to trying to steal the money, if I hadn’t stolen it?

That’s what I call a lose/lose kind of question.

Because I am in Maui to celebrate the birth of my dear sister/friend, Wendy (yes, it’s that time of year again) I went to the store and bought a weeks worth of groceries and supplies, but neglected to tell my credit card company I was on the move.

Anyway, today is Wendy’s last day of being in her 40’s.  Tomorrow, she moves into her 50’s with the rest of us.  I’m just so sorry she isn’t here for the big party I throw for her every year.

Tomorrow, I’m going to announce my amazing gift to her so you’ll want to stay turned!

Aloha

Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Birthdays, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood, Travel

Happy Anniversary, TooHotMamas!

Here's to another FABULOUS year of Hot Flashing!

  Wendy, I simply cannot believe  that we have been blogging for a solid year now!  And, what a year it’s been.  Wendy has sold three books and her husband has starred on LEVERAGE (on TNT). 

I managed to unclog a stubborn drain and my hubby cut off the tip of his finger.  What will the coming year bring?  I shudder to imagine.

At any rate, this explains Wendy’s rather sporadic contribution to the blog.  She’s working.  I, on the other hand, remain firmly attached to her coattails, dreaming of the day when I’m sitting in the front row at the Academy Awards, sobbing ala Chad Lowe, while she accepts the Oscar for best screenplay adaptation of a novel.  I only hope she remembers to thank me.  You know, for handling the blog while she works on a paying gig.

Since we are embarking on a new year here at TooHotMamas, I thought I’d like to try something I’m going to call: The Story Of Us.

Basically, it’s gonna be a soap-opera type serial blog.  Cliff-hangers, love, live, death, barf, marriage, menopause, kids, George Clooney, you know, stuff about our dysfunctional—and oddly identical—lives and how we met and forged a sisteresque friendship.  This is going to be really fun for me, as Wendy is too busy earning a real living to actually check in here, at TooHotMamas, and so, I’ll be able to really dish the dirt.

For example:  Wendy used to go to school with what musical super star??

I’ll have that juicy answer…on the next episode of THM’s!

Carolyn

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Filed under Academy Awards, Adoption, Geroge Clooney, hot flash, Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood, parenthood, Pillsbury Bakeoff, Weight gain, Weight Loss, Writing

Haunted Hawaiian Vacation: Part 2

 Did I mention I travel to Maui every year with a former Miss Kansas?  It amazes me how, even though Elizabeth is a forty-something mother of 3 strapping teenage boys and a darling daughter, how men of all ages still nearly break their necks to catch a glimpse of her.  I notice this as I galumph along at her side, marveling over this freak of nature.

Every year, E loves to capture a picture of the four of us (3 Barbies and me, the Cabbage Patch Kid) which she thoughtfully frames and sends to each of us as a Christmas gift.  She’s not shy about grabbing a complete stranger, quickly instructing them in the use of her camera and making them feel privileged to abandon their vacation for a moment and capture our smiles for posterity.

This year, she approached a lovely woman (looked to be somewhere in the toohotmama age bracket) and said, “Would you be kind enough to take a picture of me and my friends?”  The lovely woman graciously agreed and was in the middle of her photography course, when her studly husband strutted up and said, “You don’t want HER to take your picture!  She’s hopeless with anything electronic!”  After this brow-bobbing pronouncement, he grinned rakishly at Elizabeth and then proceeded to wrest the camera from his wife’s—aka: the old gray mare’s—hands.  (It was a bit of a struggle.  It seems the mare had already taken the photography course and was rather invested in the outcome). Continue reading

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Filed under Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood

Haunted Hawaiian Vacation

    

Gasp!! It's a BRIGHTON!!

 Our last trip to Maui—see two blogs ago—was…well…for lack of a better word, haunted.  Haunted by bad luck.

The first thing to go wrong was that my wallet was stolen.  ON THE PLANE!  I used my credit card to buy a sandwich from the stewardess and I can only guess that my wallet fell to the floor, slid under the seat and was picked up by an unscrupulous Doo-doo Head  (excuse my French) upon landing.

This was horrible for me for several reasons.

Reason number one:  IT WAS A BRIGHTON WALLET!  $95!  Never mind that I found it (Brand-spanking NEW) at St. Vincent DePaul’s.  Yes!  It still had the original Brighton stickers and packing material!!  The good people at St. Vinnie’s didn’t know that it was worth far more than 2.99.  Yes!  What made it even better?  My mother was with me and it was SUPER SAVER SATURDAY FOR SENIORS!!  She scored a $95 Brighton for $1.50!  Wahooie!  Talk about a high!  This was better than that time when Geraldo Rivera nearly found something in Al Capone/Jimmy Hoffa/whoever’s safe!

Reason number two:  IT WAS FILLED WITH CASH

Reason number three:  IT HAD MY I.D.  Now how was I supposed to check in to the resort?  I wasn’t all that worried about not going home.  Sorry, honey.  Sorry kids.  Maui isn’t the worst place in the world to be stranded.  But…I was nobody!

Talk about a bummer.  Anyway, it all worked out—my fabulous husband Fed-Ex’d me a credit card and my passport.  But the other day, I was at Goodwill still mourning the loss of my wallet and sort of griping to God about it.  I do that.  Gripe to God.  “Lord, I know it’s probably not nice of me to ask You to smite the Doo-doo Head that stole my wallet.  But, could You maybe, replace my BRIGHTON wallet?  Did You get that?  I prefer Brighton…It’s not like I have $95 bucks to go out and replace it.  (Have I mentioned that I have yet to hit the NYT List, Lord?  What about that, Lord?)  Grumble, grumble, sigh.  I’m disgruntled and flipping through the wallet section at our brand new neighborhood Goodwill and suddenly the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck…

Just wait til I slather you with leather cleaner and silver polish!

What is this?  Why…IT’S A BRIGHTON WALLET!  For $3.99!! A little worn—but much less than the one I just lost, being that I’d loved on that wallet for several years—and Bigger than my last wallet!  This one (in its heyday) probably retailed for $120-150 smackeroos.  Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jesus!!  My husband is going to detail/clean it for me (although it’s in awesome shape).

I’ll relate the rest of our Maui misfortunes later.  For now, I’m off to do some more treasure hunting at Goodwill.

Aloha,

Carolyn

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Filed under Goodwill, Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood, Travel