Okay, another reason I probably have yet to appear on the NYT Best-Seller list–aside from not having a book out in several years because of my protracted maternity leave–is that I was taught that it’s not lady-like to swear. Shows a certain lack of class. Even for my heroes. Not that my heroes don’t drop the F-bomb left and right. I happen to think “Fooie” is a perfectly acceptable adverb and shows that my heroes are tough enough to sling slang that might sound silly on a lesser man. My sons wield the “DDH” bomb (doo-doo head) liberally on the playground and they have yet to be bullied. I think it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
And, if you disagree, Fooie on you, Booger-ball. Stings, huh?
I just finished reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson. Have you heard of this book? If not, you live under a rock.
Anyway, I’m always a day late and a dollar short with my plots, it seems, for I could not believe my eyes. I just wrote a book exactly like it! Well, okay, there were some variations. My hero was a cat. And I didn’t do that whole computer hacking subplot, although there was some hairball hacking at one pivotal point. Another difference is how my cat didn’t, you know, cat around with the astounding frequency and variety of Stieg’s randy characters.
But come on! Why 27 bazillion books in print? Why #1 on the best seller list? Why not us, WENDY? I’ll tell you why! We’re ALIVE, that’s why. (That, and I’m just returning to my writing career after a rather protracted maternity leave, but that’s beside the point). Apparently, now days, it really helps to hit the lists and get those movie deals if you’re dead. Yeah. I’m talking about you, J.R.R. Tolkien.
Sadly, Stieg Larsson died of heart failure at the tender young age of 50, before he ever had a chance to enjoy his amazing success. Or…did he? Hmmm. Let’s see. What would be his cut of 100 gogillion dollars be? Even if it was only 6 %, we’re talking 6 gogillion dollars, give or take. Certainly enough to retire on.
So Wendy, I’m seriously thinking about staging my death in an effort to give my career a much-needed boost. (Don’t worry. I’ll still help with the blog). Others have successfully done it. Remember D.B. Cooper? I’d never heard of him before he “died”. And how many of you out there have seen Elvis at Wal-Mart? Yes? I thought so. I’m not certain yet, how I want to “go”. I’m sure my hubby would cheerfully help. My teenagers, too. I see the dollar signs in their eyes when I’m particularly menopausal.
I’ll keep you posted from the ‘great-beyond’ at Wal-Mart.
Filed under aging, Anxiety, Changing Genre's, Making Money, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, Older writers, Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Writing