It’s a sign! Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby boy on…JULY 22!! The very same day I married my darling husband (I forget what year, but I think the automobile had already been invented) and I TOO, GAVE BIRTH TO A CHILD on JULY 22! Yes! Our first daughter was born on our wedding anniversary, isn’t that weird? No, we didn’t have to get married, lest anyone fret, it was our 16th wedding anniversary. But anywho…back to the main point…
Our faithful readers know that I have wanted to establish a royal family in the good old U.S of A. for a long time now. Just think of what it could do for our economy! The gossip, the scandal, the paparazzi…I’m ready to take the throne. And, when I’m done reading the National Enquirer in the bathroom, I think I shall renew my campaign efforts.
Then again, why should I bother? The common people have no say in such matters. Royalty is not elected. Therefore, I shall simply take office. No one else has jumped in, so why not?
Okay then. Ah hemmm… ATTENTION!
I hereby declare myself to be Queen of the United States of America. My first act as HRM Carolyn Zane? Take my son to the doctor to get his wart frozen off. And then? Ice cream to celebrate. I’ll try to get a play-date going with Wills and Kate’s kid soon. There will be pictures. I have all kinds of advice for the new parents. How to get a Lego out of a nostril, for one thing. Not as easy as it sounds.