Recently a good friend gave our daughter a generous Groupon coupon to Ben & Jerry’s, so after Christmas we trooped to our local store, where the trees out front were still festooned with twinkly lights. I ask you: Could any outing say “family” more than a winter trek for ice cream, the kids giggling inside their hooded coats, swearing they can eat two waffle cones each despite the frigid weather?
This is just like It’s A Wonderful Life, I thought, grinning as we approached the door. On the glass was a big sign advertising their newest flavor.
Pretending I needed to use the entire right side of my body to shove the door open, I blocked the sign as best I could and started brainstorming an excuse to stand in front of it on the way out. It’s not that I’m prudish…’kay, maybe I am, because after we got into the store and I saw the sign below the cash register, on the glass above the ice cream case and behind the counter, I felt a hot flash coming on—the kind that accompanies a dangerous spike in blood pressure.
What does Too Hot Mamas have to do to teach you folks some manners, Ben? Jerry? Dudes! Did you even read my blog about farting at the dinner table? Ah, never mind, you boys probably get a kick out of that sort of thing.
My husband, you will be happy to know, has been singing a little ditty about your ice cream flavor, set to the tune “Lonely Is The Man Without Love,” ever since our trip to your store.
Listen, I know you’re not going to take down a few thousand signs across the nation, because one mother in Oregon questions your sensibilities. But, if you’re going to hawk Schweddy Balls in front of impressionable youths, then how about giving equal time to your menopausal friends? We could use the media attention.
On that note, I’d like to see a flavor called Droopy Booby. Perhaps vanilla ice cream, overripe peaches, maybe a few Jelly Bellies? We hot mamas are buying as much of your product as anyone else. Probably more since we like ice-cold treats in the depth of winter to counter those hot flashes.
Think about it, fellas. Droopy Booby could increase sales among the senior crowd and spark insightful conversations about body image. How many insightful conversations do you think you’ve elicited with that other flavor?
Be the change you want to see, Ben and Jerry. We’re counting on you.