Tag Archives: George Clooney

The Face(s) of Sixty

Multiple Choice

Pop Quiz:  What does 60 look like?

Still thinking?  Of course you are; it’s a trick question.  Nobody knows, because so few people have the chutzpah to age these days.  So who looks better–Cher, Diane Keaton or Joan Van Ark?

My husband was torn between Cher and Diane Keaton.  Not I.  For me, it’s Diane by a mile.  I look at her face and see a woman who has spent more time parenting her kids, taking photos, pondering the world and her place in it and making thoughtful movies than running to a plastic surgeon.  I see a woman with the guts to be fully herself and to challenge Hollywood to respect a woman over fifty.  Better yet, to simply acknowledge that there are women over fifty.

No wonder poor George Clooney is so confused about who his peer group is.

Thank you, Diane.  And a big shout out to Annette Bening and Jacqueline Bisset, too.

Wendy

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Filed under aging, Geroge Clooney, Golden Girls

Wendy’s big date with… George Clooney!

Dough boy, George?

Happy birthday, hot mama!  You have finally caught up with me and George, age-wise!  As you may have ascertained by now, I am arranging a special outing for you, with Georgie-Porgie-Puddin-Pie
Cloonster to celebrate your milestone. I guess you could say that this is not really your gift, as much as it is Georgie’s.  It’s high time that he experiences some superlative conversation with a seasoned  woman of a certain age and not the bimbo-prattle he’s used to.

And, what do I have planned for your Mystery Dream Date?

First, I’m going to fashion a gourmet meal for you both from products made by our favorite company in the universe (are you listening, John Lilly?) PILLSBURY!  I have perfected an appetizer, main course and dessert from the dough boy’s spectacular array of delicious and easy to prepare products!

Then, after a sumptuous repast, I will put you both in my mini-van (aka: THE SKOW) and drive you to the Red-Box to pick out the movie of your choice.  Red vines and popcorn are on me!  (Score points by picking something starring George and not your husband, the lesser known, but not lesser talented actor, Tim Blough, Wendy).

After the movie, it’s time for Yoo-hoo and PILLSBURY cake with PILLSBURY frosting adorned with fifty candles!  Make a wish, darlings!  (Wendy, this would be a good time to wish that we finally WIN the PILLSBURY BAKE OFF!!!  Because, hell-freaking-oh, we aren’t getting any younger).

Then, Wendy, I really need you to have some intellectually-stimulating conversation with this misled boy, who seems to think that women cease to exist after they are 21.  Show him some sparkling banter, dazzle him with your brilliance, keep him on the edge of his seat with your wisdom and charm!

Then, like a salmon at spawning time, we’ll turn him loose and hope for the best.

I’ll be on hand, the entire evening to document every moment in pictures and post them here to share in an exclusive blog with our lucky
readers!

Hang tight, darling.  I’ll be home from celebrating your birthday on Maui soon to gather George and pick you up for your whirlwind evening.  In the mean time, Ha-ah-ah-uu-ah-moo-moo-ah-poo-poo (as they say here on the islands) and many more!  (The poo-poo part becomes very important, once you’re past 50…)

Aloha, girlfriend, welcome to the 50’s!!

Carolyn

 

 

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Marriage, Maui, Menopause, Motherhood

Most Powerful Women?

Wait a minute! That’s not us!

Excuuuuuuse me?  This is the list of the most powerful women in the world?  Hello? Wendy?  Where were we?  How could they neglect to mention the Queen and Crown Princess of the United States of Marriage, Motherhood and Menopause?  I ask you, what could they do all day that is any more harrowing than teaching their exceedingly blond daughter how to drive when they are suffering from Menopause Symptom number 16 (see bowel/bladder control problems)?

Don’t say complex political issues and difficult paperwork, because I’m not impressed.  Do they have to deal with the ENDLESS RED TAPE associated with choosing which soccer photos to order—the deluxe pro-trading cards with 2 5×7, 1 8×10 4 wallet in a pear tree or the completely useless mini-mouse pad and bobble-head coffee mug combo—when they are simultaneously trying to recall the structure of a 5 paragraph essay, WHICH WAS DUE YESTERDAY, DEAR, while under the influence of a hot flash?  I think not.

Here’s a snippet on these supposed “Power-Women”, from Fortune 500 magazine:  There’s been plenty of turmoil atop Fortune’s annual Most Powerful Women list.   Meg Whitman crashed the party, coming in at No. 9 when she became CEO of Hewlett-Packard. (As CEO of eBay, she was on the list from 1999 to 2007.)

What party?  And why didn’t we crash it, Wendy?  It would have been a perfect opportunity to take George Clooney with us and show him what he’s missing by dating kindergarteners!  Let’s not let that happen again, okay?  Plus, this Meg Whitman actually left eBay, the shopping-palooza event of the century to go work for HP?  Gack.

While Oprah Winfrey fell 10 spots to No. 16, her power and influence in flux without the platform of her eponymous syndicated talk show. [sic]

Cry me a river.  And okay, what does eponymous mean, anyway?  I’m sure if we had to, we could totally be eponymous.

Perhaps the biggest change of all? Kraft CEO Irene Rosenfeld takes the No. 1 position from PepsiCo chief Indra Nooyi, who topped the list for five years. This ranking is all about power, and while Nooyi runs the bigger company, Rosenfeld’s decision to split Kraft into two entities shows she has it and knows how to use it.

It???

Try splitting an order of fries that nobody fights over, girls, now that takes skill.  Here at Toohotmamas, we have it and we know how to use it, too.  We just have to find ‘it’.  And then… of course, use ‘it’.

So.  Next year, Wendy, we’re gonna be on that list.  Fortune 500, Schmortune Shmive-hundred!  That’s right.  Stand back, Irene.  You.  Me.  My kid driving my minivan.  On the freeway. Then we’ll see who can really hack it.
Carolyn

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, Geroge Clooney, Humor, Making Money, Marriage, Meg Whitman, Menopause, Motherhood

Carolyn, the Queen of Everything

After Carolyn’s post yesterday, I probably should be throwing my tiara in the ring, lobbying to be Queen of the United States, or at least the area around my easy chair.  I have been trying for ages to get my family to address me as Your Highness, but they are so resistant to change.

The thing is, I’m not the queen type.  I prefer to fly slightly under the radar.  Besides, I get hat head.  Carolyn has really thick hair; she’ll look fabulous after the hat comes off–and it’ll probably be an adorable hat she made from a sweater or a dog bed or an empty Ritz Cracker box or something.  She is brilliant at making hats.  Honestly, she should have been a milliner.

So, Carolyn, you’ll have my fealty if you make me a hat.

Also, I think that when you are queen you should make George Clooney date women born before 1985.  This is really important.  With a Too Hot Mama on the throne, we can mandate this kind of validation for women over forty-five.

Wow.  I can’t believe I once stepped in human urine while walking through Central Park with the future queen of the United States.  (After the hats and George Clooney, you might want to do something about that urine situation.)

All hail Carolyn!  Long may you rain… rein…reign…    Well, enjoy bossing people around, dear friend.

Wendy

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George Clooney is single!!

If I could only decide between the too hot mamas. Eenie, Meanie, Miney...

I know, I know, I promised that Wendy and I would be updating you
all from the Big Apple. But, we didn’t have time. As we were leaving for the
airport, the news broke that George Clooney was newly single, possibly in Manhattan… and the race was on.

It’s obvious that the boy is barking up the wrong tree with these super-skinny, super-attractive, super-young, super-models.   And, now that he’s 50, we’re guessing he’s
going to realize the error of his ways and start looking for a well-seasoned,
less-than-perfect woman to provide arm candy.
We think a little cellulite and some wrinkles are fine, because hey, we’re
not perfect, either.

So now, the question is, me or Wendy?  We asked our husbands and since neither of them seemed threatened in the least, it’s a horse race.

When we weren’t stalking Georgie Porgie Puddin’ Pie, we took a ton of pictures, visited 5 states, actually DROVE IN MANHATTAN (thank you, Darla, you rock), met with agents and editors, talked book deals, ate waaaaay too much, walked barefoot in Times Square at midnight and laughed ourselves half silly.  We came home speaking with distinct New York accents and are energized and ready to write.

Wishing you all a fab 4th!

Carolyn Clooney

Sounds good, huh, Wendy?

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Filed under 35 symptoms of menopause, aging, Children, Geroge Clooney, Marriage, Menopause, New York, parenthood, Travel, Weight gain, wrinkles, Writing

A New Lover?

I'm told the cast party was super fun...but I wouldn't know 😦

  Wendy and I have been a little harried this holiday season and have neglected our blog.  :-/  But, I’m taking a moment from the frivolity (read: the kids are home and I’m busy refereeing) to update our audience on the continuing saga of our marriages, motherhood and menopause.

Wendy’s hubby, Tim, starred on LEVERAGE, December 19th.  I hear he was awesome.  Don’t know for sure.  Wasn’t invited to the premiere.  No hard feelings Wendy.  I’m kinda wondering if George Clooney was there?  Huh, Wendy?  Is that why you told me about the premiere after the fact, on December 20th?  Still afraid of my extreme Cougarness?

Yeah, I’ll admit, I’ve lost a few pounds (finally) and realize I’m feeling friskier, but I HAD NO IDEA what a total Cougar I’ve become until I got the following letter (TWICE—Yes, that’s how HOT Ssssssssss, I am!) from my darling Henry!  (Did YOU get a letter from Henry, Wendy? Huh?  Didja?) Continue reading

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Bathroom Humor

Okay, I admit it.  I had to get away from the stress of my love triangle with Wendy and George Clooney.  So, I went to Germany with the hubby.  Figured that was far enough away from the pain.  Imagine my surprise to find that they’d heard of Georgie in Germany.  Damn that man’s allure to the masses.  

Anyhow, this was my first time in a non-English speaking country.  I don’t count France, as they didn’t speak to me anyway.  Nor do I count Los Angeles, as I do habla un poco Espanol.  So, I was eager to learn the German lingo.  Fraternize with the natives.  I’m not exactly fluent in German, unless you count frantic hand signals and loud, impatient shouting in English, but I did manage to expand my vocabulary a tad.  They’ve got some funny stuff in Germany.   

I think my favorite is…   

Where?

 

I kept seeing this sign fly by as we zipped down the Audubon at about a thousand kilowatts (whatever) per hour.  And, when I wasn’t soiling myself at the sheer thrill of achieving warp speed in a Toyota, I was laughing my Aus off at the sign.  I mean, what was the purpose?  Should we pull over to enjoy the specified “area” to break wind?  Seemed inconvenient.  Not to mention crude.  It wasn’t until my last day that I discovered Ausfahrt means “Exit”.  My new favorite word.  I use it liberally now, when directing people to my house.   

BTW, George, I live just off the 2nd Ausfahrt in a town called Butteville.  Come On-a My House, baby.  

Carolyn

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Leverage Wrap Party, part II, and…George Clooney is MY Boy Toy, Carolyn

Wendy here, continuing with my report on the Leverage Wrap party.  First, though, a note on Carolyn’s most recent post:

While I am somewhat saddened by my blogmate’s attempt to pull the wool over our reader’s eyes attention whore, I can, I suppose, understand where she is coming from midlife crisis and forgive her this single aberration pattern in an otherwise eminently sane menopause descent into madness.

Carolyn, I love you, sweetie, but please–George Clooney posing with a pug?  PIG. He likes pigs. Can we admit right now that your picture was photo shopped?   Maybe you were feeling a little, oh I don’t know…sick with envy?  But I can’t help that my life has turned so freaking glamorous.

For those of you not eaten alive by jealousy….

My Fifteen Minutes of Someone Else’s Fame, Part Two

Okay, so Tim and I got out of our car at the Governor Hotel.   On the way in, he pretended to pick more dog hair off my butt.  [He’s such an animal.  Obviously my 10 Minutes-A-Day To Firm DVD has been working wonders.] We took the elevator to the fourth floor, where two very nice normal-looking girls put paper “Leverage” bracelets on our wrists.  They were the last normal-looking people we saw for four hours.

Feeling giddy, we walked into the party, where lights created giant “flames” that licked the walls beneath the word LEVERAGE.  Images of the cast and crew were projected on a large screen, an incredibly complete bar was set up, and tables of food lined either side of the room.  I get the reason for the bar, but why bother with food?  The place was packed with young actors and actresses.  No way were they gonna eat anything remotely resembling a calorie.  Apparently size zero actually exists.  I had no idea people could look like that without being airbrushed.  Flawless.   And that was the men.  The women?  Remember I told you that my husband sat in the makeup chair next to Elisabetta Canalis?  Well, he kept pointing her out to me at the party…except that it was never her.  Elisabetta Canalis is otherworldly gorgeous; Google her if you don’t know what she looks like.  Several of the women at this party looked like her.

The Leverage Cast stood right in front of me during the blooper reel that was shown.  I could have pinched Timothy Hutton’s tiny bottom.  (I didn’t; I was saving myself for George.)  They seemed like a very nice group of people. Continue reading

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Ghost

George knows I love dogs!

Our fan, thank you, Joyce, was the first reader to catch onto my experimental “Ghost” blog. Some you received a ‘blank’ blog notification or two. Yeah. That’s not laziness on my part. That’s a SUBLIMINAL message, and NOT A SCREW UP! Oh, yeah. Just because I’m menopausal does NOT mean I can’t handle my technology!
Anyway, did any of you ‘get’ the message? Huh? Huh?
Well, for those of you who might not be all the way plugged in to the subliminal thing, the Emperor does indeed have clothes. The message was this:
Wendy, don’t feel bad about not inviting me to go with you to the TNT LEVERAGE  (starring your actor husband, Tim Blough) PARTY to meet George Clooney. (I happen to know he didn’t make it…at least not…there).  I’m sure you were simply worried that my extremely hot-cougarness would over-power George and even though he has vowed NEVER TO FATHER CHILDREN (a pity worthy of another whole subliminal blog) that he would sweep me off my feet, and adopt all five of my children and perhaps even my hubby, who, when he’s not cutting off digits is a super swell guy and very handy to have around the house!
The ‘blank’ blog was my attempt to load a super-secret video of me and George dancing at ANOTHER party that I didn’t invite YOU to, Wendy. Yeah. Me. And George. Cutting a rug. Trippin’ the old light fantastic. After this blog, I’m gonna give loading the video another whirl. So, if any of you get ‘blank’ blog notices, I guess you’re just gonna have to mind-meld with your computer or use your imagination. 

Until then,
Carolyn and George (and our puppy, George Jr.)

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I Will Wax For George Clooney

My husband’s a guest star on the TV show Leverage. He informed me several days ago that we are going to the wrap party, which is tomorrow night.  For the past week and a half, he’s been telling me how beautiful the women and men are on this show.

Deciding to walk my talk, I opted to approach this party very differently from the way I have approached similar celeb-studded parties in the past.  I used to make sure my makeup was fresh, my hair was highlighted, and my wardrobe was new.  This time?  I have one Maybelline eyeshadow duo with a broken plastic lid and gouges in the little cakes of color from my daughter’s attempt to apply the stuff to her dolls with a bobby pin.  That stubborn gray in my hair will simply have to be appreciated as Mother Nature’s highlights.  And those wrinkles–hey, some of those lines are vertical; they might be slimming.  As for my boring wardrobe:  I’m a work-at-home mom on a budget.  Cotton will have to do.

I felt really good about my decision to go au naturel and simply enjoy the view and the company.  No one’s going to be looking at me, anyway.  That last realization is one of the sweet gifts of no longer being twenty.

And then…

Today, with fewer than twenty-four hours left, my darling husband mentioned that the gorgeous Italian woman he’s seen on the set is Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney’s current extraordinary  squeeze. Continue reading

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