Whaddya get for Valentine’s Day? I got a Renuzit Air Freshener, lavender-vanilla scent, from my 12-year-old.
According to Renuzit, “Lavender & Vanilla is the perfect scent to fill your bedroom, or any room in your home that is your tranquil haven.”
Awesome. Just one problem: There no longer is a room in our house that is a tranquil haven, BECAUSE I HAVE A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD. The child I have loved, liked, adored beyond all reason is now a middle schooler with this super power: At one hundred paces, she can make her dad’s and my heads explode with the force of an M67 grenade. Just by glaring at us. This child who mere weeks ago prompted me to describe her as a big squishy heart with arms and legs, could now more accurately be likened to Rambo–with permanent PMS.
Yeah, you don’t want to cross her. If you’re her parent, that is. Her teachers continue to describe her as “darling…so sweet…what a dolly….” And her new friends tell me, “We love her. We LOVE her. She’s so funny and SWEET.”
This is what comes of waiting to become a mother: Instead of the 30-year-old who would be calling right now to see if I’d like to sip a latte while we watch my grand kids make kissy faces at the warty pigs in the zoo, I am living in a zoo. I can’t tell if I’m having hot flashes or my blood pressure has risen to a stroke-producing high. Probably both.
I wish I could call my mother and apologize, but she passed away before Karma began to have its way with me.
Ah well, at least daughter No 2 is only six. By the time she’s going through pre-adolescent psychosis, my husband and I will be too addled to realize it. That’s one of the bennies of being an older parent–a total break from reality just when you need it (or, the wisdom to fake it).
Good luck to all you menopausal middle-school mamas out there. Let us know how you’re dealing with it.