- This is my favorite swimsuit ever!
So I get to Maui and the three Barbie dolls I travel with have all joined Weight Watchers. Have I mentioned that one of them used to be (and still could be) Miss Kansas?
Then it dawned on me. The reason I’m shaped like the cabbage patch kid and am wearing a swim Burka that I had imported from Babylon, is because I’M NOT ON WEIGHT WATCHERS! Duh! So, my slim and trim and ever-so-energetic, bikini wearing friends DRAG ME TO A MEETING. While I’m on vacation. So, now there is much guilt involved with every chocolate covered macadamia nut I stuff into my face. Did you know that there are 6 points in only 4 lousy, teensy-weensy candies? And did you know that there are an entire days worth of points in only one box?
So, Wendy. Before I fly George up for your Birthday bash…oh, the plans I have for you…I’m going to drop a few pounds. Thankfully, I have eaten all of the Mauna Loa candy, so that’s out-of-the-way.
And, to make things a little more interesting, my daughters are going to ‘race’ me to the finish line. They jumped onto the Weight Watcher’s Band-wagon with gusto and have already lost 2 pounds each. I have lost none. But then again, slow and steady wins the race.
Check out my new diet page (hopefully up by this weekend) and read what the girls have to say about living with me on a diet! Big, big fun.
Did I mention I travel to Maui every year with a former Miss Kansas? It amazes me how, even though Elizabeth is a forty-something mother of 3 strapping teenage boys and a darling daughter, how men of all ages still nearly break their necks to catch a glimpse of her. I notice this as I galumph along at her side, marveling over this freak of nature.
Every year, E loves to capture a picture of the four of us (3 Barbies and me, the Cabbage Patch Kid) which she thoughtfully frames and sends to each of us as a Christmas gift. She’s not shy about grabbing a complete stranger, quickly instructing them in the use of her camera and making them feel privileged to abandon their vacation for a moment and capture our smiles for posterity.
This year, she approached a lovely woman (looked to be somewhere in the toohotmama age bracket) and said, “Would you be kind enough to take a picture of me and my friends?” The lovely woman graciously agreed and was in the middle of her photography course, when her studly husband strutted up and said, “You don’t want HER to take your picture! She’s hopeless with anything electronic!” After this brow-bobbing pronouncement, he grinned rakishly at Elizabeth and then proceeded to wrest the camera from his wife’s—aka: the old gray mare’s—hands. (It was a bit of a struggle. It seems the mare had already taken the photography course and was rather invested in the outcome). Continue reading
Gasp!! It's a BRIGHTON!!
Our last trip to Maui—see two blogs ago—was…well…for lack of a better word, haunted. Haunted by bad luck.
The first thing to go wrong was that my wallet was stolen. ON THE PLANE! I used my credit card to buy a sandwich from the stewardess and I can only guess that my wallet fell to the floor, slid under the seat and was picked up by an unscrupulous Doo-doo Head (excuse my French) upon landing.
This was horrible for me for several reasons.
Reason number one: IT WAS A BRIGHTON WALLET! $95! Never mind that I found it (Brand-spanking NEW) at St. Vincent DePaul’s. Yes! It still had the original Brighton stickers and packing material!! The good people at St. Vinnie’s didn’t know that it was worth far more than 2.99. Yes! What made it even better? My mother was with me and it was SUPER SAVER SATURDAY FOR SENIORS!! She scored a $95 Brighton for $1.50! Wahooie! Talk about a high! This was better than that time when Geraldo Rivera nearly found something in Al Capone/Jimmy Hoffa/whoever’s safe!
Reason number two: IT WAS FILLED WITH CASH
Reason number three: IT HAD MY I.D. Now how was I supposed to check in to the resort? I wasn’t all that worried about not going home. Sorry, honey. Sorry kids. Maui isn’t the worst place in the world to be stranded. But…I was nobody!
Talk about a bummer. Anyway, it all worked out—my fabulous husband Fed-Ex’d me a credit card and my passport. But the other day, I was at Goodwill still mourning the loss of my wallet and sort of griping to God about it. I do that. Gripe to God. “Lord, I know it’s probably not nice of me to ask You to smite the Doo-doo Head that stole my wallet. But, could You maybe, replace my BRIGHTON wallet? Did You get that? I prefer Brighton…It’s not like I have $95 bucks to go out and replace it. (Have I mentioned that I have yet to hit the NYT List, Lord? What about that, Lord?) Grumble, grumble, sigh. I’m disgruntled and flipping through the wallet section at our brand new neighborhood Goodwill and suddenly the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck…
Just wait til I slather you with leather cleaner and silver polish!
What is this? Why…IT’S A BRIGHTON WALLET! For $3.99!! A little worn—but much less than the one I just lost, being that I’d loved on that wallet for several years—and Bigger than my last wallet! This one (in its heyday) probably retailed for $120-150 smackeroos. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jesus!! My husband is going to detail/clean it for me (although it’s in awesome shape).
I’ll relate the rest of our Maui misfortunes later. For now, I’m off to do some more treasure hunting at Goodwill.