Let me catch you up in case you missed Monday’s post: Carolyn dragged me to a “trial” Krav Maga (Israeli Street Fighting) class. She dressed properly; I didn’t. She brought water; I didn’t. She was paired with a sparring partner who made Gabrielle Reece look like a flabby midget. I got a cross between Gloria Steinem and Ma Barker, whose periodic lectures on women and power while she knocked me on my can were starting to irk me.
“Time out,” I gasped at one point, partly because I needed to search the floor for my liver after her last blow and partly because I saw that Carolyn was bleeding. A lot.
“I need to help my friend,” I tossed over my shoulder to Ma, who stood in “ready position.” Let her wait, I thought. Preferably for the rest of the millennium.
Rushing to Carolyn, who was being patched up by Krav Maga Man, I asked loudly, “ARE YOU OKAY?” thus laying the groundwork for our immediate departure.
She waved me off. “It’s nothing. This is great! I’m sweating like a pig.”
Since when do “great” and “sweating like a pig” belong to the same thought group?
Krav Maga Man, who had frowned at me so unequivocally when we’d first arrived, was now smiling real big at Carolyn, who grinned back. Bonding over her loss of blood.
He gave her the all clear. “All right, champ, get back in there.”
Glancing at Ma, I saw that she was practicing chest-level kicks, obviously prepared to perform more Crouching Tiger on my butt the moment I returned.
“Carolyn, be my partner!” I whispered desperately, but she didn’t hear me and trotted away. (For the sake of our friendship, I choose to believe she did not hear me.)
KMM called out new instructions. I slouched off to get gloves and some big rectangular padded thingies, because apparently now we were going to throw punches at each other’s heads. Good times.
As I inched reluctantly back to Ma, she inquired, “Would you like to hit me first?”
As she held the rectangular pads up to either side of her face, I understood this to mean I should aim for something other than her nose.
I really did understand that.
I just didn’t care anymore….
Part Three– “The End”– on Friday…