Tag Archives: spring is here!

Swimsuit season already? Ack!

Spring is here.

I hate the tabloids. They like to take pictures of celebrities with fabulous figures and zoom in on their rear ends and critique bums that, in my opinion anyway, look great.

Far, far better than mine.

I always wonder, who writes this mean stuff? And, what does their bum look like under the telescopic lens?

Anywhoo, it’s that horrible time of year again. Everyone’s a critic. My oldest son–who by virtue of a lucky African gene pool was born tan–tells me I need a little color. The daughters agree that I could wear my bathing suit top backwards and it would still fit perfectly. The hubby is generous enough to say, “We’re both needing a little exercise.”

The scale confirmed their candid consensus. Bummer. (no pun). So, it’s off to the gym. Today is Day One. April 26th, 2010. As good a day as any to start, I guess. I’ve put off the New Years resolution as long as possible. In order to have some accountability, however, I’ll call today Ground Zero and admit that I need to head toward ground -25. I’ll report back here, every so often and let you all know how I’m doing. Dragging the teenage daughter with me, as she needs to head to ground -10 for optimum health.

We are both excited. Have the Gym Bag packed with water, towels, shampoo, sleazy-bum-mocking-tabliods, all the required accoutrements for a day at the spa. Gonna tackle a split routine. Legs today. Tomorrow, upper bod. I’m thinking we’ll both have our Jillian Michaels goin’ by July. All lean and tan and stunning. People are gonna look at us and say, “Hey, now THEY oughta be on the cover of the tabloid with their rock-hard bums!”

Jealousy? Yeah, it’ll be tough to live with people hating us because we’re beautiful. But we’re up for it.

I’ll report back tomorrow and let you all know how Day One at the gym goes.
Carolyn

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Filed under Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, Weight gain

Bad Hair

Wendy and Carolyn Do Hawaii

 

Carolyn and Wendy Do Hawaii
 
The 35 Symptoms of Menopause: A continuing education.  Today, we explore Symptom #26:

Hair loss or thinning head or pubic hair.  Increase in facial or whole body hair.

So many of our friends complain about this symptom.  The hair falls off the head and seems to just explode out of everywhere else. 
 
So, girls.  How do we get rid of unwanted hair without the hideous pain of waxing / electrolysis and those horrible red bumps that come after shaving?  Well, after a LOT of debate–and experimentation–we’ve come to the conclusion that there is no solution.  Why are we fighting the inevitable, ladies? 
 
Let go of your inhibitions.  If you’ve got it, flaunt it.  Embrace your inner gorilla!  Oh, we’re not saying it will be easy.  The first time we hit the beach sporting our new hirsute look, we were a little bashful.  But as you can see by the video our husband’s shot, (above) after a couple Mai Tai’s we got into the rhythm. 
 
Carolyn and Wendy

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Filed under Anxiety, Children, Marriage, Menopause, Motherhood, parenthood, Weight gain, Writing

For the Birds

I am easily distracted.  As a writer, this is not good.  However, since I have begun writing all night long and sleeping in the mornings, my productivity level has dramatically increased.  Until yesterday.

He’s back.

The bird.

I write near a huge glass door that leads to a balcony.  Every year, robins build about a half-dozen nests in the nooks and crannies just under the balcony’s eves.  What’s cool about this is, each spring the kids can creep out on the deck, peer between the boards and see the baby birds all fat and fuzzy, open-beaked, screaming to be fed.  Kind of like them, come to think of it.

Anyway, along with the lady birds and their babies, comes the hero.  There to serve and protect.  And every year, this guy (this is his 4th year on duty) lands on the railing and gives his reflection the stink-eye.  I can practically hear the thoughts whirring in his bird-brain.  “Who are ya, ya barmy router?  Stay away from the ladies, ya handsome devil.  No?   You dare to puff yourself at me?  I’ll just have to fight ya then!” 

I’m not sure why, but in my head he has an Irish accent.  And so, he blows up to twice his size and begins to strut.  He’s adorable.  “Yer not leavin’ then?  Okay for you, ya rounder, you!”  Then, tail slashing, my hero proceeds to fashion a pile of droppings, apply a generous coating to his feet and then fly at his enemy.  AKA:  my window.  What amazes me is that the dogs can sleep through this.  The same dogs that will claw their way through the door to attack a gust of wind.

You know that sound it makes when you drag a fork across a chalkboard?  Yeah.  And, he keeps it up until the window is so coated with dung that he can no longer see his reflection.

All very conducive to writing.  And sleeping.  The Herald is back.  Spring is here.

Carolyn

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Filed under Writing