Of late, my 8-year-old has been giving a lot of thought to marriage—and more specifically, to finding a husband. To wit: When her friend turned down several snack options in a row, El sought me out.
“Mom, she is a PICKY eater. She’s going to have trouble getting a husband if she eats like that.”
And later: “I think it would be good to know geometry before you try to get a husband, because…” She pondered. “Because then you’d both know it.”
Right-o. I mean, I’m not sure that both people knowing the difference between an acute and an obtuse triangle would qualify as being “equally yoked,” but it couldn’t hurt.
El’s musings got me thinking. I watch The Bachelor, I admit it. And, yes, I disrespect myself in the morning, but I am fascinated by what young women and men assume will make a relationship work. Two minutes into meeting the prize—AKA, the bachelor—beautiful, seemingly bright women are passionately kissing this virtual stranger and claiming they’re sure he’s the one. By the end of the evening, these same girls are sobbing inconsolably, because the bachelor has given their coveted rose to somebody else.
To all past, current, and future ABC bachelorettes: I’m going to give you a little advice, and you should take it, because I’m a romance novelist, and I know about happily ever afters.
When you meet someone you consider forever-after material, keep your lips clamped unless you are opening your mouth to talk. To talk, ladies. You will not know he’s the one for you simply because you feel goose-pimply after he kisses you and fifteen other girls at an alcohol-soaked cocktail party. (I’d feel goose pimply, too. Eew.) This is romance 101: Save your kisses for someone who’s kissing only you.
From now on, I want you to heed the wisdom of my 8-year-old: At the very least, find out if you both like geometry before you begin doodling your name together with his on a cocktail napkin.
I tell my daughter all the time, “Marry your best friend.” At the moment she’s taking me literally and is considering walking down the aisle with one of her girlfriends. “’Cause we talk about everything, and we could share the same wedding dress, and wedding dresses are very expensive, Mom.’”
I question the practicality of two women and one dress in the same wedding, but I appreciate that she’s budget-minded and, for the moment at least, wise enough to want to spend her life with someone she knows, likes and respects.
As for The Bachelor/ette, Too Hot Mamas must send the show to the front of its Doody Head line asap. Of course, I suppose I have to walk it there myself.